


Midnight Kiss

by KrisGomez07



Category: Chronicles of Narnia - C. S. Lewis
Genre: Clueless OC, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Light Angst, Love Triangles, Romance, sorta - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-28
Updated: 2019-10-06
Packaged: 2019-10-18 01:19:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 43,882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17571578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KrisGomez07/pseuds/KrisGomez07
Summary: Edmund's gone missing. Actually he ran away. Not that anyone knows. But the Just King wouldn't leave Cair that easly. That is why he comes back every night, that and to meet a beatiful young woman in his balcony





	1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1  
That was it. The day was finally there. The journey of my life was going to beegin. In just a couple of hours I would leave my country in my first trip to Narnia, the land of wonders. My father, Lord Maucin, had been invited like so many others to Cair Paravel, to commemorate the tenth anniversary of the coronation of the kings and queens. The celebration was going to be huge: everyone invited would stay at the palace of the four thrones and every night there’d be a party based on different culture which would culminate, after two weeks, with the memorial of the White Witch defeat. My excitement was a little childish: you see I had voyaged before, seen dozens of countries, yet the idea of seeing a centaur, a minautor or even a dwarf was thrilling. Not to count the mermaids and the dryads. It was excursion to wonderland. It would take us a week to reach the bay of the marble castle, that of curse, by ship. We lived close to the solitary island in a small kingdom called Anur. My dad was an intimate of the king and that is how we got invited.   
Just like every other morning my maids came in to help me dress, only today my silk dresses were packed and I was wearing a simple voyage dress and riding boots. I wasn’t particularly fond of using such clothing, as I felt like a boy. Not that I have anything against boys but their fashion choices didn’t match mine. But I put up with it because of the bobbling sensation inside of me, nothing could ruin this. Breakfast was short but abundant. It would be the last real meal we would have in a week. When you were at sea you ate nothing but dry cookies and other conserved stuff. Most people devoured fish when faced with long travels but the people of Anur believed that fish were sacred creatures, sent by the gods to protect the purity of the water.   
Then the routine was shattered. Instead of going to meet my tutor, Miss Lagos, I got into the carriage that would take me and my parents to the ducks where the Twilight Catcher, the most beautiful ship in the entire nation waited for us. It was a great honor to think that the royal family itself would travel in our boat. My father was a great trade maker, which allowed our fortune to grow and thus afford such luxuries. In the deck, I met about a dozen girls around my age, the youngest being fifteen and the oldest being nineteen. I knew all their names and was good friends with a couple of them. At least I wouldn’t get bored. Natalie joined me first, followed by Rica. I smiled. “Are you excited?” asked the first arriving.  
“Of course, It’s like a whole new world, full of magic!” I answered daydreaming about all that I would see. I had always been told I had an overactive imagination. I could picture myself riding unicorns, befriending the centaurs and winning their loyalty which, they say, has no equal, dancing with the fauns and swimming with the mermaids.  
“You are thinking about that? All I can think about is meeting High King Peter, they say he’s so handsome and gentle…” sighed Rica. She had always had a little addiction over boys and spent all her time talking about them. She was nice, though. Natalie and I laughed a little. Truth be told I wanted to meet him too. The legends about him were, well, legendary. His title, ‘the magnificent’ must’ve been given for a good reason. All girls in the world wanted to meet him. Actually, he was the most common topic for all the girls in the ship during the next week. Everyone had so many theories and some expected him to ask them to dance, some even said they would be his first dance. Me, I knew better. Who would pay attention to us? we were little people form a little country. No chance their dream would come true.  
Even from afar the Narnian castle was breathtaking. It was an imposing combination of towers and small building connected by tall bridges all sparkling in the early morning sun. The glory of the castle came mostly from it white color and the marble statues that were used as pillars for the construction. To top it all the cliff that laid at its feat made it look like a crown in the land. Everything I had seen before paled. Coming to shore wasn’t any less embellishing: the sand was whiter than any I seen before, the turquoise waters came in swift waves that didn’t reach the quartz of the rocks. A welcome party was waiting for us, and by only seeing it I knew the trip had been worth it: a centaur, a faun and two talking animals! It was all I ever dreamed it would be.  
“My Lords of Anur, it is with deepest pride and greatest pleasure that we welcome you to Narnia in behalf of our sovereigns. If you will, we’ll lead you to the palace so you can rest from your journey and prepare yourself for the evening festivities.” Announced the centaur with a silky voice that had me wrapped around his fingers in an instant. This was all too good to be happening. Climbing the cliff wasn’t easy, there was a path maid but it was still pretty stiff and the velvet dress I had worn all ay wasn’t the best option for this terrain. But after an hour they made it. The palace was even greater up close. The walls were decorated with intricate carvings that represented everything from the creation of Narnia to what we had lived recently.   
At the door awaited us a committee of wonderful beasts of all kind and amid it all three humans. The kings and queens. But one was missing. Odd…. The oldest must’ve had between twenty and twenty-five years; he had golden blond hair that shone with the rays of the sun. His blue eyes were a perfect shade between the color of the summer and the winter sky. King Peter. Next to him was a woman in her early twenties that was too beautiful to even describe. Queen Susan. Finally, a girl about my age with the same features as her brother was talking to a beaver. Queen Lucy. The traitor was missing. The salutations were made but all the while I felt the High King’s gaze upon me. He was smirking and all I could do was blush. I really hoped he did that with other girls too. Luckily another congregation arrived, stealing the attention from us. We were accompanied to our rooms to wash up. And I did just that during the whole evening. I wanted to be perfect at the party. I ended up wearing my favorite gala dress: a red and golden attire worn with a tight corset and a purple underdress.   
The party started great. I was with my friends, flirting from afar with some young lords. It was all winking and smiling but it was still a lot of fun. No one was dancing yet but they had already asked us for their first dance. I liked their boldness. It spiced things up a little. I usually got really bored at these events, well until the dancing began. I always loved dancing, it was an action that brought such joy and freedom. Honestly, all the talking and seducing got old quickly. Then the monarchs entered. The Just king was still missing. This was starting to look suspicious….  
“Hello everyone, we want to thank you for traveling from the entire world to accompany us in the tenth anniversary of our reign. Sadly, our brother Edmund, the Just King, is indisposed at the time and won’t be able to join us. But we shall not let that affect the fun we’ve planned. Please enjoy the party. We will now introduce the dance floor.” Announced queen Susan. It wasn’t fair: even her voice was too beautiful to be true. But at least she had explained the Dark King’s absence, even though not showing up in the welcome of your gest was extremely rude. He must’ve been really sick. I was ready to watch a show, for Narnian dances were known for their intricacies. What I didn’t expect was the High King coming towards me and asking me to join him. I froze and so did everyone else. I wasn’t important. No one there knew my name. I wasn’t worth of dancing with a king. I accepted after a minute and was literally swept of my feet as he guided through the complexity of a traditional dance. I felt light and good. Maybe having his attention wasn’t that bad. After that everything came swiftly: we talked all night and even flirted a little. I sounded like all the other girls but I might’ve been falling for the Golden King. When everyone started to leave he offered to escort me to my room but I refused. I wanted some time alone to think about the evening and reevaluate the situation.

I was completely lost. Wondering down the halls of such a huge palace without company hadn’t been my greatest idea. Worst thing was that there was no one around to help me find my way. I just wanted to see a familiar place. Maybe seeing the content of the rooms would help me locate myself. Slowly, I opened the doors to find an old looking library, a room full of mirrors reflecting the piano in the middle and an expensive looking solar. Seems like I was too close to the most intimate places in the castle. I opened the fourth door and had my breath stolen.  
In front of me laid a beautiful terrace decorated with cineraria maritimas, dark pansies and oleanders; a beautiful mixture of grey, white and darkness. In the middle of the veranda was a black table with two chairs. It was like a dream come true. I always had a thing for neutral colors and here I was, surrounded by colors that bled into one another while contrasting like opposites. The snowy marble that surrounded everything had turned to a shadowy shade that contrasted with the silver glow of the moon. Indeed, the night star was bathing the world with a ghost-like light that had me terrified and intrigued. Lucky, the crispiness was shattered by small lanterns, shining every meter or two in the balcony borders. This area was a treasure left by Aslan. I was laying on the railing before I knew it, watching from afar the light playing with the sea and the merpeople. I forgot how to breath and my jaw fell. I was in paradise.   
“You know, this is a private room.” said a voice behind, making me jump in the air. It took me a moment to compose myself before I could turn around and face the stranger. He was tall and slender but by no means scrawny, with dark hair and matching eyes. The shadows played games with the angles of his faces making his cheekbones come out in a mysterious way. His complexion was pale, almost sickly so, with barely any freckle to ruin it.   
“I’m sorry. I lost my way and I ended up here.” I explained blushing. I hadn’t even been in the castle for a day and I had already screwed up. Go me.   
“Yeah, well get out.” the voice of the stranger sent chills down my spine. How could a tone be so cold and emotionless, so lifeless? He had uttered an order but it was with such a calm it could be an advice. Maybe it was. An advice to not trust him. To run. Which I did.


	2. Chapter 2

Next morning, I woke up to a knock on my bedroom door. Lazily I stood up, regretting staying up so late last night: not only the party lasted until more than midnight but I was lost for at least an hour and after my encounter with the mysterious man it took quite a while to come down. Some would say this was cowardice and maybe it was but I rather think about it as a way to process the difficult situation. and perhaps just a little fear. It was hard to blame me, as a young lady I was always treated with respect and kindness and whenever that bubble was broken I felt lost and vulnerable. The interaction still sent chills down my spine and colored my cheeks pink because of how embarrassing it was to know I ran at the first sign of trouble. This couldn’t go on like this. I had to get my pride back. I would go back to the terrace and if he showed up I would stand up for myself. I was already imagining a whole conversation in which I ended outwitting him.  
Groggily I opened the door when I noticed I shouldn’t have. I was in no way presentable! My hair was a tangled mess, my eyes were red and puffy and my nightgown was too revealing. Instinctively I covered myself the best I could with my hands and the satyr averted his eyes. I was in so much trouble. A proper lady would never let anyone see her like that. I should’ve made the person wait while I got ready. Idiot. To my dismay it was my father. “Arina! What are you wearing? Go put some clothes on!” I looked down immediately. I knew what I did was wrong. I deserved every single word.  
“Yes Father.” I said as I disappeared into my chambers and called my maids to help me dress. Quickly, I put on a pink dress with a flower pattern bordering the red underskirt. It wasn’t my best attire but this was just my father after all.   
“Finally!” exclaimed Lord Maucin when he saw me coming back out. “Now, come, quick. The monarchs just offered for us join them in their daily practice. You and the other ladies are welcomed to go watch. It’ll be disrespectful if we didn’t uphold their invitation. You skipped breakfast and we are running out of time.” Said the man as he tugged me forward. I obediently went behind him keeping myself one step behind as protocol intended. The maze of corridors was just a blur on me as I thought about the morning shame.  
The training grounds were a piece of art just like everything else: the floor was covered in a mix of sand and soil in which footprints from every type of creature. In one corner stood the target for archery next to a wall decorated with an assortment of weapons which glowed in the morning sun. You could also spot a series of dummies filled with straw which looked like scarecrows. The rest of the area was used as theatre for body combat. All around the square destined for the martial arts ran soldiers, warming up for training. I took my seat next to my friends who were observing the high king sparing with a centaur. Soon, I found myself entranced with his movements too. It was irresistible: the way his muscles moved with every blow, how his hear stuck to his face with sweat and his eyes glittering with energy. He looked even more handsome than the previous night.  
After a while he took a break and turned around to face his crowd of admirers. Every single girl was transfixed with him but I didn’t know if it was because he was attractive or because of his title. He smiled and scanned us for a moment. When his eyes met mine, my heart skipped a beat, a smile broke both our faces as he came closer to the stands, never breaking eye contact. “My Ladies.” He saluted. Everyone was giggling. Then he came closer and took my hand to lightly kiss it. I felt like I could melt right there and then. “Lady Maucin, I hope you are enjoying the show.”  
“Oh! Very much, your Majesty! You are an amazing fighter.” I complimented trying not to squeal. He was talking to me. He could be talking with anyone else but he chose me.  
“Why, thank you but I’m not so great. My brother Edmund overpowers me without even trying. Seeing him train is truly amazing.” He admitted with a smile. He was so modest….  
“Don’t underestimate yourself, you Majesty. I hope you brother’s condition will get better before I can live so you can show me what you mean. Honestly, I doubt that anyone could compare to yourself.” That last bit went further than swordsmanship. I was sure he could achieve everything he desired.   
“That is really kind from you. But I must admit that I’m not flawless. I just hope we might spend enough time for you to remark my sins and forgive them.” That was an invitation? He wanted to spend time with me! Oh God. I was having trouble breathing.  
“I hope so too” said I as I couldn’t mutter much more. After that he went back to training and I went back to admiring him. Ah….  
When it was over I went to the gardens to contemplate the roses, my favorite flower. The variety of them was so big I felt like I was in paradise. This castle had so much wonders I wished I could stay longer to discover them all. Two weeks were too short and the parties would take away too much time away. This little paradise would keep its secrets.  
“I see you like roses.” Said the High King approaching me. I smiled and nodded. I didn’t trust my voice for the moment being. “Well they sure are beautiful but pale with you by their side.”   
“Aren’t you a little cheesy? I know in poetry one express himself that way but it’s weird to hear it in person.” I said before I could stop myself. Had I just criticized him? A king?  
“I guess it’s one of my sins, but I can’t help it when I see such a charming young lady. Truth is I’m trying to impress you and my sisters always say a woman in conquered with the beauty of words.” He answered. I didn’t miss the reference to our previous conversation. Maybe it was our joke now. As for his theory about how to court girls I couldn’t help but wonder if it was true. I had never been in love but those I had seen fall would always babble about poetry and sweet compliments. Then I analyzed what his words were to me. Sure, they were sweet but they made me feel like just another lady. It wasn’t personal. Maybe I just had to get him more material so his compliments could be more direct. He didn’t seem to mind honesty so I took a leapt at faith.  
“Sin forgiven. For now. But I think that the words must be directed to what the girl feels and has lived for them to be touching enough.” I answered looking for the annoyance in his face. what I hadn’t expected was laughter.  
“I guess you are right. But I think that can be fixed if you tell me more about yourself.” He proposed. I liked the way he let me tell what I thought. It wasn’t asphyxiating like court usually was. I then thought about his question. Who was I? of course I knew myself but how could put it into words? It was too complex. I had to give him something, though. Something to start with. Then he could figure out my other facades.   
“Well, I’m from Anur and this is the first time I ever leaved my country. I’m really excited about that and everything I see amazes me. I’ve always dreamed of magic but for a long time it seemed like a faraway dream. Being in your country changed that and I am glad. I enjoy reading and knitting and I guess that is me. Well, the basics.” I confided looking at the ground. Was what I was doing alright? I had never gone this far with a man and I couldn’t help but be nervous.  
“Well if you’ll allow me I’ll try to show you the wonders of this place.” Proposed the King and I smiled. Maybe what I was doing was right after all.  
“Peter! I need your help.” Said a feminine voice coming closer to us. I turned around to see Queen Susan. “Oh! Hello Lady Maucin. I’m afraid I’ll have to borrow my brother.”  
“Of course. I’ll see you tonight your Majesty.” I said goodbye, walking away.  
That night the party was rather boring for my friends wouldn’t talk to anyone but some of the lords they had met the previous nights and King Peter was doing his obligations talking to other diplomats and creating bonds for his country. Only a couple hours after I decided to go see my terrace, as I know called it.  
“Why are you back? I told this is a private room.” Declared the men, startling me just like last night. A ghost would be easier heard than him. I gathered my courage and faced him trying hard not to run once again.  
The man had changed little to none since yesterday, he was dressed in the same fashion which took me a little by surprise: in accordance to the celebration of different cultures all the guests were required to wear a typical attire of each nation every day. Not to mention the obvious disarray as he wore only a loose tunic that seemed full of dirt, a pair of trousers that had seen better days and his hair tousled as thought he had just woken up. What kind of gentleman would let the world see him like this?  
“If that was true you shouldn’t be here either. Everyone who is someone was at yesterday’s party and I’m afraid you weren’t. Why don’t you stop being so rude to others when you are one to blame as well?” Answering to him in a calmed tone was unbelievably hard. No one should look so menacing.  
“Grew a spine since yesterday. What tells you I wasn’t there? Did you see everyone and everything?” the teasing tone in which he spoke proved me that the fact that I faced him was amusing him. I was breaking the ice. At least I thought so.  
“No. But I would’ve heard about someone talking in such a rude fashion. Those things are not a secret for long.” It was true, at a ball bad news traveled even faster than usual as all the ladies entertained themselves with gossip and criticism.  
“Who says I’m always rude? Maybe I only react this way when someone is trespassing the boundaries.” I could see a small smile on the corner of his lips. Guess he wasn’t so bad, just a little reserved. But if this was amusing him I could play the game too.  
“No one can change that much as to be gentle one moment and so… imposing at others. Besides, you weren’t introduced as one of the guests. And that is something I know for sure as I was one of the first to arrive.” I retorted with a little smirk.   
“Alright, I admit I wasn’t there. That doesn’t mean you can be here, though.” The score was on my favor for now but I didn’t know how long I could keep the brave façade. Even if he was smirking and teasing he terrified me, chilling me to the bone.  
“And you can?” I crocked out. What if he said yes? I couldn’t blame this visit on being lost. I would be cornered. My voice betrayed my feelings as usual, this man was too much for me. Luckily, he had nothing to respond so he just smiled.  
“Fine, I’ll let you be here if you promise not to tell anyone.” I could see that the young adult hated to lose to me which filled me with self-pride. It seemed that I scared him too. But why would he be so nervous about people seeing someone in this place? Was there something I didn’t knew? Or was it because he was hiding himself? But it would be impolite to ask any of those questions no to mention that I would probably get no response. Instead I thanked him and went back to contemplating the night. I wondered what miracles might do the sunlight for this terrace.  
“Have you ever seen this place in broad daylight? It must be so beautiful…” I asked dreamily, wishing for someone to give me an idea of what I would find when I came back in the morning.  
“Why would I answer that?” this man was impolite beyond belief.  
“Well since you seem to come here every day and I will be doing the same as long as I’m here I thought we could be decent with the other.” I explained as I thought that I was drawing conclusion rather hastily. Maybe he’d just seen me in the balcony and wanted me to get out. Maybe he wasn’t supposed to be here but wasn’t forbidden to be either. Silence fell answering my questions. If it had been otherwise he would’ve already corrected me.  
“You have no reason to come. Really, what is the thrill of being here?” The question took me by surprise. Why was I here? The place was beautiful but maybe I was doing this because it was forbidden. It was the first little act of rebellion I had allowed myself and it felt great. It tasted like freedom. Like pure bliss.  
“I don’t really know… I think I like that is forbidden. The risk makes you feel alive.” I didn’t know why I told the truth. I think I scared of him and of lying. Years of manner’s lessons, about how unladylike it would be to lie. I really hopped it wasn’t a mistake. “What about you?”  
“That is not of your business.” This must be a servant I realized. No lord would use such an expression, it’d be insulting to his status and the people he reigned over. He sure was bold to be an employee, insulting someone with a higher-rank by ordering me around and talking in such a rude and blunt way.  
“That is true, I’m sorry if I offended you but by the way you formulated your question it sounded as if you had an explanation you wanted to share.” I apologized out of instinct. I know most people in my situation wouldn’t have and some would’ve gone far enough as to threaten him with their status and connections. He inhaled deeply and I thought I heard some sorrow on his voice as he said: “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be here and that makes me jumpy. But maybe it would be better for the two of us if you stopped asking questions.”  
“Alright… Don’t worry I won’t tell anyone that you are here if you don’t give me away either.” I proposed. His words had risen in me a thousand questions that I knew better than to ask. Why would a worker be so apprehensive about his presence here? Sure, it was a zone of the castle he shouldn’t wander around but it couldn’t be so bad. Perhaps if someone less tolerant than me found him… Yes, this could harm him. He gave a small smile that didn’t reach his eyes as a confirmation.  
I profited this pause to take on the beautiful cravings on the railing. Last night’s visit was too short for me to notice such a subtle thing, especially because you could barely see them in the moonlight. I discovered it with my hands but as I was rather clumsy it took me a while to make out what they represented. It seemed to be a creeper pattern which branches ended up un in sharp edges that I faintly identified as swords or daggers. Who would taint such a flawless decoration with this symbol of war and destruction?  
“I like it better at night.” The stranger’s voice took me by surprise. Not only had we been in silence for a long time but it was also so smooth and velvet that I couldn’t rely it to the harsh tone he’d used so far. “During the day, the marble reflects the light so much it becomes blinding, especially in the early hours of the morning. Best thing is when it rains a little. Or maybe that is just because I like the rain.” I smiled as I pictured it in a rainy night with the moonlight refracting in each droplet of water and the soft mist covering the ocean and the horizon.  
“I hope I’ll see it before I leave. It must be a sight to remember.” I answered. The mere thought of him starting to be nice warmed my insides. My mother always told me that I could put a small ray of sunlight in everyone heart. It would be a dream come true if such a thing was true.  
“It is.” He confirmed but the sigh in his voice told me otherwise. Was he really that worried about someone finding out?  
“You must spend a lot of time here.” I commented, deciding not to take the conversation down a darker path and as not to impose social segregation between us.  
“I used to. It’s my favorite part of the castle. But now I’m unable to come as much as I would want to.” He confessed looking downwards. I was about to pry when I remembered his petition of not to ask. Maybe I should just forget most of what he told me, keeping only the images. “I actually have to go.” Couldn’t help but to be disappointed. I liked where this conversation was going. But now was no time to be sad, not when I had the most beautiful terrace for myself.  
“See you tomorrow” said I as a goodbye. A smirk appeared in his face and he walked away wordlessly.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO this chapter didn’t turn out nearly as I expected it would but I still like the result. It shows a bit of the Pevensie’s darker side. I always thought they couldn’t as perfect as they seemed, specially Peter… Or maybe that’s just because I don’t really like the character. I don’t know. Either way here is chapter 3.

I was woken by a soft knock in my chambers door. My maids weren’t there yet which annoyed me a little since I had to open the door looking disarrayed. This was shameful. No Lady was supposed to be seen in such attire. I approached the door and decided that I would avoid opening the door the most I could.  
“Yes?” I said stifling a yawn. Usually mornings didn’t bother me. I’d been raised to not mind but I stayed up late in my terrace trying to drink in the beauty surrounding me.  
“My Lady, his Majesty, High King Peter, has asked for you to join him and his siblings for breakfast in their private terrace. I am here to escort you.” Announced the butler kindly from the other side of the door.  
Oh God! The High king wanted to spend more time with me? Sure, we had fun last night but it thought it was only a divertissement. But apparently it meant more to him as well. No. I wouldn’t get my hopes up. Maybe he wanted to build a breach with my Father and thus the king Anur. Yeah, that must be it. ‘I am no one’ I reminded myself firmly. Still, butterflies fluttered in my stomach and a grin broke my face. This had to be the best day of my life! “Thank you. I’ll be ready in a minute.” I said shakily as emotions overflowed me.   
I went back into my room and immediately called my maids to help me clean up, all thoughts of complaining long gone. I had to ensure I looked better than ever before but that I wouldn’t seem out of place either. I wasn’t prepared for this. I checked all the clothes I brought twice and still I couldn’t find a thing to wear. Every dress was too portentous or just not enough. Was this a casual occasion? What did this even mean?  
In the end I settled for a light blue dress that matched my eyes. I chose it not because I thought it was good enough but mostly because the butler had been waiting for me for over half an hour and it’d be rude to keep him waiting any longer. He didn’t seem bothered when I came out which was good. We walked through a maze of halls and with every step my discomfort and anxiety grew. Was this right? Should I have warned my father? Was this proper? I knew the High King would never take advantage of the situation, he was too much of a gentleman. Still a part of me wouldn’t stop insisting this wasn’t a good idea. Yet I couldn’t turn back much less refuse this honor.   
Finally, we arrived at a beautiful terrace that was three times the size of mine yet no less beautiful. The place was decorated with discrete flower pots that made the view of the ocean seem a little wilder. The ebony table in the center was filled with exquisite biscuits and dishes. The mere small made me wonder if their taste would put to shame every meal I ever had.  
“Lady Maucin, I’m glad you could join us!” greeted the High King as I entered immediately taking a stand and kissing my hand to which I blushed and bowed. His proximity made most of my doubts vanish. “You look ravishing.” I smiled and was about to say he looked equally as handsome when I took a good look at him. He clearly hadn’t washed up yet. His hair was tousled, and his breeches and tunic were too.  
He must’ve noticed the way I looked at him because he laughed a little while rubbing the back of his neck in an embarrassed fashion. Did I just made a king feel ridiculous? What was I doing to make everything wrong?  
“Sorry about my appearance I did some early training and didn’t wash up afterwards.” His sheepish mile made my heart hammer against my ribs.   
“It’s alright. I was merely surprised.” I answered, and happiness threaten to break his features. For what seemed like eternity we just stared at each other. I took in very detail I could from how blue his eyes were to how his tanned skin tried and failed to cover the freckles that decorated his face…  
“Pete!” screamed Queen Lucy in that instance and we both jumped startled.  
“Oh! Right! I might have forgotten to tell you I invited Lady Maucin to have breakfast with us…” he admitted and suddenly I felt as uncomfortable as I had when I first came into the room. I was an outsider, an intruder…  
“I’m sorry” I said. “I didn’t mean to bother you. If you wish for me to do so I will leave now.”  
“Nonsense!” exclaimed the younger Queen. “Anyone who can make Pete blush like a little girl is welcome to stay.” I stared at her, transfixed by the casual tone in her voice and manners. Of course, this was a space for their family but even in the privacy of my home I wouldn’t dare speak to my father in that fashion. A sigh from Queen Susan seemed to agree with me.  
“Lucy, how many times do I have to tell you to keep your decorum even in private. You are a Queen and should behave like one at any given moment.” She scolded like one would scold a young kid. Maybe it was because she acted like a parent or because the Valiant Queen was my age, but this made said figure to raise her eyebrows and stare at her sister incredulously.  
“Oh, come on Su! I know that we need manners and all of that but it’s just us. Well us and Lady Maucin who has to be a great person since she’s got Pete in the palm of her hand.” She countered pouting like a little girl.  
“Lucy that would be enough!” said her brother clearly fed up with such a disrespectful attitude. The youngest huffed and sank in her chair.  
“If Ed was here he’d agree with me.”   
The room went silent. Everyone had both tensed up and saddened. I immediately realized that the Just King’s health must be more precautious that I knew. They all looked so worried… I really hoped the illness that had taken over him would dissipate soon so they could enjoy the celebration ahead of them.  
“Well he’s not, so why don’t we all try to behave? We have a delicious breakfast in front of us and we won’t enjoy it if we fight.” said the oldest Queen gently. But apparently kindness wasn’t enough. The young Queen stood up and left briskly clearly making her point. I tried for my surprise and displeasure for such aggressiveness to not be displayed in my features, but it was unheard of for someone of their rank to behave that way.  
“I hope you can forgive our sister, she’s always been the closest to Edmund and his condition has her very worried.” Said the remaining Queen.  
“There is nothing to forgive, worry makes us all act in unjustified ways. I do, however, hope your royal brother’s health will improve soon.” I replied.  
“So, do I.” said she.  
We ate in silence and all joy this morning could have brought was gone, the weight of a family burden bigger than I could take. So I thought of everything but the present, I thought of last night, of how the young man was right, the terrace was too bright in the morning. I thought, guilty, about how I didn’t even know his name. I thought of how much more he could tell me, and I found myself longing for the simplicity and informality of our encounter.  
When the meal was over the royals excused themselves to a council meeting and I bowed in goodbye. I was left in the privacy of their terrace. They were not what I expected from them. For once Queen’s Lucy informality, Queen’s Susan parent role and King Peter’s shyness. I guess I had been too transfixed with what they were supposed to see the persons behind. It was scary to think sovereigns could be so… human.  
Drawing a breath I took a couple of pastries for tonight’s meeting and went to my terrace to wait for him. it was too early, but I didn’t know what else to do. Being alone wasn’t appealing but the company of those I had known all my life seemed out of place in this magical and mysterious land. What I didn’t expect was to see Queen Lucy standing there, looking at the horizon. I tried to leave discreetly but she’d heard me.  
“Your Grace, I am so sorry I got lost and I…” I stammered for words trying to look as lost and confused as I had the first time.  
“This is Ed’s balcony you know? Right next door are his chambers.” She said looking back at gazing to see, seemingly unmoved by my presence.  
“Oh.”  
“He always loved to come here and read a book when he wasn’t feeling like dealing with Peter and Susan. I don’t blame him, thought. They can be really… how do I say this nicely? Overbearing.” She explained with such love I couldn’t help but feel sorry for judging her earlier. She was in pain and worried for her brother. She was bound to act a little weird. “I don’t know what is taking over me. I’m behaving just like he did before the war. I’m not like this but I’m just so worried. What if things never get better? What if he never comes back?” tears were streaming down her face and I was paralyzed.   
What was I supposed to do? Should I offer comfort or spare her honor and pretend this wasn’t happening? My learning of etiquette wasn’t extensive enough. In the end I decided that I should behave in the way she and her siblings did, the human way. I walked towards her and put a hand on her shoulder gently. Immediately she buried her face in my shoulder and sobbed harder. I murmured that he’d get better, I told her that he was stronger and tougher than his illness, but she kept shaking her head. “I don’t want to lose my brother” she said, and I had no answer. This went past beyond me. So I hugged her and let her cry.  
When she finally calmed down she let go and looked down sheepishly.  
“I’m sorry. For everything. I shouldn’t have taken my frustration out on you or made you uncomfortable at breakfast.” She apologized and that’s when it finally hit me. This was no ordinary royal family. Sure they showed how majestic they were, but they didn’t lose their humanity. They were a symbol of humility. And suddenly I felt like I needed to learn from them.  
“It’s alright.” I assured her, but she clearly didn’t believe me. She didn’t disagree either way.  
“He really likes you.” I tilted my head and she smiled. “Peter. He really likes you.”  
“Well thank you but I believe is just curtsy…” I justified myself as my favorite sentence since I came here repeated itself in my mind ‘I’m no one’. However, her bubbly laughter made me think about it twice.  
“It’s not. I’ve seen him be nice to other people. It’s not even close to how he is with you. He likes you.” She confirmed, and I smiled widely for this was the greatest gift anyone could have given me. “Can I give you a piece of advice? Pete is really competitive and sometimes he takes it to extreme levels so it’s better if he doesn’t see you too close to others…”  
“He doesn’t strike me as such a person, but I shall trust you.” I answered, and it was true. The High King was as nice as one can be. He might’ve raised his voice at his sister, but he had every right to do so seeing her behavior. He might be competitive but never enough to harm someone. Was he? This was his sister after all. She knew him better than I did.  
Doubt plagued me as she walked away.

I left the terrace shortly afterwards only to realize all I wanted was to be there. So I came back. All day long I stared at the woods and the sea and I wondered if the Just King would force me to leave once his health was better. This was, after all, part of his quarters. He probably would but it was only fair to enjoy this guilty pleasure while it lasted.  
I left the pastries in the table and explored every corner of the terrace and when I dimmed it discovered I went next door to the piano. I had played the instrument all my life. My mother had thought me how to do so before her death. It was a thrilling feeling but without her melodies just never sounded the same. Thus, I stopped.   
Yet here… here magic was in the air and the tiles seemed to call me. My manners screamed to leave. It was bad enough for me to intrude in a King’s terrace now I was intruding in the rooms surrounding his chambers too. Did I know no boundaries? Had all that’d been thought to me over my life vanished? It must have because soon I was sitting in the bench and letting my fingers press the keys ever so softly. It felt like mother was with me. So I sat and played her favorite song. Every note washing over me like waves in the shore. When I was finished I heard soft clapping.  
Behind me was the boy from the balcony he was smiling, and I knew a teasing remark was about to be thrown my way.  
“You’d be a terrible spy. Or an infiltrate. You make to much noise and touch everything you’re not supposed to.” He commented as he leaned on the doorway.  
“Well I rather make my presence known than sneaking on people like a ghost.” I retorted.  
“You really think I’m anything like a ghost?” he asked, and the smirk grew. I trembled a little. This man was so intimidating even when he was being playful. Not wanting to answer and say something that could ruin the precarious state of our relation I changed the subject.  
“I brought pastries.” My answer made the smallest smile to tuck his lips and his eyes to sparkle for a minute.  
“Good. I always had a sweet tooth. What’d you bring?” he said, and it was my turn to chuckle a little. How could someone be so simple yet so complicated?  
“I don’t know the name of the pastries. They’re in the terrace.” And I felt dumb because I didn’t even know what I was offering.  
“Well we better go find out then.” He said and as he was walking threw the door words escaped my mouth without my consent.  
“Do you know how to play?” Stupid! He was a servant boy! Of course he wouldn’t know how to do such a fine activity.  
“How about we leave that question for another day?” he proposed, and I nodded, grateful he wasn’t offended yet surprised he didn’t deny it immediately. Together we walked to the terrace. Each of us took a pastry. I stayed near the table as he hoped on the marble rail.  
“Do you know what these are?” I asked.  
“They’re called muffins. They’re one of my favorite sweets. Second only to brownies.” He said as he pinched the soft surface and ate the little bit he had in his fingers.  
“Are those typical from Narnia?” I questioned as I took a small bite, refusing to eat the same way he did. Sometimes servants could just be too casual.  
“No. I don’t think anyone knew until Lucy…. Until ten years ago.” He corrected himself slowly, like he didn’t really regret the way he started. I let it slip for if I knew one thing about him were that secrets were his shelter, one I did not mean to break. We fell into comfortable silence.  
“What’s your name?” I finally said, wishing to call something other than ‘the man from the terrace’.  
“Hm?” he seemed distracted and I smiled. Seems like he could lose his focus in the sea too.  
“Your name? What is it?” I repeated. I wasn’t usually this casual, but he was no nobleman and I didn’t want to favor segregation. I wasn’t surprised when he smirked.  
“I don’t like names. They impose status, familiarity. They’re like a leash.” He answered but this time I would not back down easily. I had to know what to call him.  
“Names also mean trust and recognition.” I countered. “Mine is Arina. It means sunshine.”  
“That’s nice but who ever said I trusted or recognized you?”  
My heart broke.


	4. Chapter 4

‘Who ever said I trust you?’ The words echoed in my head as I put the pastries, muffin I reminded myself, down and forced myself to go the door. It was like someone was stabbing my chest with every breath I took. Why? Why were this servants words so important? He hadn’t shown any kindness towards me and yet I was acting as thought a dear friend had betrayed me.  
“You should know that you are no better than me. Your trust is important to me not because I think you deserve to be so important in my life but because I like people to reciprocate my feelings. I see now that it was a mistake to even try to have a friendship with someone who clearly has no feelings or intentions coalified as good.” I declared trying to hurt him like he had hurt me. I didn’t meet his eyes for I knew I’d break apart if I turned to face the man in the balcony.  
“You think that your words hurt but they don’t. I’ve been told worse. You’re hurt and want me to feel what you do now. You get attached way too easily and that is not my fault. Neither is your pain. We make our own choices and if weeping like a school girl over something you never had is yours than I can’t help you.” He answered, completely calm despite my claims.  
“I shall accept my fault if you answer a simple question.” I took his raised eyebrows as a sign to continue. I couldn’t remember when I had turned again. “How can you be so cold?”  
“Cold?” A sarcastic chuckle filled the air and I shivered in the warm temperature. Why would I consider the idea of relating to man that has such effects in me with just laughter a wise choice? “I guess you can call me that. It will just be one more mistake to add to your list. It’s getting pretty long.”  
He surprised me once more by being the one to walk out of the room with he sweet still in hand. God! He had to turn it into a degrading situation, didn’t he? I had made no mistake, if anything I had offered the gift of an unlikely friendship to him and he had refused it blatantly. The nerve of him.  
Of its own accord my body sank onto the table, exhausted despite my limited movements during the day.   
He wasn’t cold? What an enormous lie. His attitude was offensive and so distant it could only be described at such. I had no fault! His mannerism was infuriating! That was the issue to be discussed! And yet… He had never insinuated trust and I had allowed the lack of respect going as far as serving him by bringing him food. I was the one that believed this little game could mean anything.   
Thoughts of the like kept revolving around me and soon I was uncapable of distinguishing the pain from the anger in the whirlwind. I felt so tired…  
I woke next morning at the break of dawn leaning on the desk. My whole body ached, and my body was covered in small droplets of water. But I barely realized this with the numbness that had drowned my insides. I felt horrible and as rested as if I had just come back from a long ride. For what felt like forever I didn’t move, just watching as the beautiful grey tones in the sky disappeared as the marble became too bright. I stayed some after that as well.  
Noon came around. Thirst and heat forced me to stand and go inside. Like some magic the shade made me realized that I had been missing for a day. I had not informed my father of anything. His worry must be so strong! I picked up my skirts and ran through the halls towards my chambers. This was all a huge mishap! I arrived in under ten minutes, but it still felt like that time would make everything worse. As expected when I opened the door my father was pacing the room looking distressed.  
“Father?” I murmured, embarrassed at the situation.   
“Arina! Thank God you are alright!” he exclaimed as he rushed to my side and enveloped me in his arms. I let the comfort of his touch was over me as the guilt dissipated. I was left a little girl seeking comfort in her father’s arms. Why was I hurting so much? When we let go of each other he inspected me and frowned. “Why are you so dirty? It appears you slept in the gardens!”  
“I’m sorry.” I mumbled trying hard to keep tears at bay.  
“Sorry? That’s it? I’ve known nothing of you all day. Their Majesties were kind enough to inform me that you were to have breakfast with them which you should’ve informed me about. What are you playing at? Putting your honor at risk this way.” He chastised and something inside of me flared. I knew I had a temper, but it had been tamed. Now it seemed to avoid my control.  
“My honor is not at risk! What you thought me is not forgotten and if you must know I was alone for most of the day. I needed my space for once!” I responded furiously.  
“Alone? Maybe it isn’t your honor I should be worrying about but your capacity to think properly. Your actions prove you naïve and childish! Everyone was looking for you! Search parties were made. You are a disgrace!” Accused the man that had spoiled me all my life.   
“I’m no…” I started to defend myself but was rudely cut off.  
“You are and until I decide what to make of such an ungrateful daughter you are not to leave this room.” He declared slamming the door. I was frozen with rage. I knew I had made a mistake, but this reaction was excessive. For one misunderstanding my father was acting as thought I deserved to be disowned. I didn’t!  
I stayed in my room for the day alternating between guilt and anger but always feeling the pain of not being trusted.  
It was late at night when I gave up on sleep. All afternoon had been a whirlwind of thoughts that wouldn’t give me peace in slumber. I tried to calm myself down, but it was useless. I needed a distraction. I needed peace. I needed to go back to that balcony.   
I went to my wardrobe and put on a simple dress I needed no help to get into. I couldn’t call my servants and expect them to say nothing about a late-night escapade. I got there faster than I thought even as I jumped to every shadow in the dark corridors of the palace. As I closed the door behind me I breathed in relief, ready to relax.  
“Look who’s back.” Said a husky yet velvet like voice behind me. My mind filled with improper words that made me want to chastise my brain out loud. Not that I would give him that pleasure.  
“I was hoping you wouldn’t be here.” Was what I settled with to buy me some time to clean my treacherous spirit of such ill thoughts. I loathed how my weak defense made his smirk grow.  
“Sorry to disappoint you, sunshine.” It was my turn to smirk. This could only be a reference to my name. He’d listened and made it his own. I tried to remind myself not to fall on his game again. Yet, a heart beat later, I knew it was too late for that. I was drawn to this man like a moth to the light.  
Silence, our loyal companion, fell among us.  
“I shouldn’t be here.” I admitted finally. All the morning problems came to me. I couldn’t do this to my father.  
“We knew that since the first night.” He retorted, and I couldn’t help but roll my eyes as a chuckle tickled the back of my throat. Memories came fast and dissipated that slight joy soon enough.  
“My father is worried about me after last night.” I explained. His eyebrows rose, inviting me to give more information. I barely hesitated: I needed to speak the words to someone but couldn’t risk my honor by mentioning it to anyone else. “What you said hurt me a lot. Somehow, that stirred things, so I would fall asleep here until noon without my father’s consent.”  
“It really got you that bad? Why?” he asked and for once I wasn’t the one prying. It felt good even more as some amused guilt painted his features.  
“Because I’ve been trying to be nice to you and everytime I think you might return that kindness you shut me out with such rudeness it frightens me. When you left I was confused and hurt I stayed here until I fell asleep. My father… he was really affected. He declared that…” by this point I was tearing up, reliving this mornings events. The harshness of the words that resonated in my mind made me forget about how I should never let anyone see me this affected.  
“You don’t have to tell me what he did. It’s a family fight, no matter what it’s about you fix it the same way.” He answered calmly.  
“Could you help me?” I requested softly, scarred of being shut down again.  
“Why do you want to trust me so much?” his question surprised me. He knew how to fix my predicament while I did not. How could I not ask him for his assistance?  
“Because I am sure that if I trust you enough you will learn to reciprocate. I wish for that to happen.” The truth in that statement surprised me a little. I hadn’t even known the words were mine until they were spoken. No words filled the air as he took me in with furrowed brows and suspicion alight in his brown orbs. After a small eternity he seemed satisfied and relaxed his face.  
“Family is a delicate matter. You can’t expect your father to be okay with not knowing If you are a safe in a foreign land. Holding a grudge is easy but useless in family matters. If you know you are on the wrong, you must admit it. If you don’t feel comfortable explaining the situation to him stick to vague answers and repeat the apology. He will be relieved you know you made a mistake and trust you won’t repeat it. Make sure not to provoke him for a couple of days.” He advised, and it sounded so professional I couldn’t help but be amazed and believe every word.  
“Thank you.” A nod was my only reply as he went back to looking at the ocean. I gathered my shambled courage and hoped for the best as I formed the words. “I still want to know your name.” he tensed visibly, and I scrambled to reach a compromise he’d be comfortable with. “Or a surname. A way to call you. That is all I want.”  
“Blade.” He answered, and my heart swelled with joy. “Some of my friends call me that.”  
“It is an honor, Blade.” I conceded. “I’m afraid I forgot to apologize to you. I was hard on you when you had been clear on your intentions. Last night was partly my mistake.”  
“Don’t worry.” His forgiveness helped. More that it should’ve.  
“I guess we might try to suppress last night experience.” My proposal was, to me, the best option for both. I would forgive his harshness and he would be avoided the weight of it.  
“Yeah except that it happened. There is one more thing about last night. Something I can’t let go of. You said I wasn’t better than you, but you are constantly acting like you are better than me. I don’t care about your family or your name. Those are just accessories. If you want to be treated like a Lady, please leave. I won’t do that. You’ve been warned.” Silence filled us as I thought over his words. Being treated without my status was unthinkable. Were I was born made me different and, however much he liked to deny it, it gave me power and strength over him. His proposal was a direct insult. Yet in this balcony everything was different. I had permitted the idea to develop and those few minutes with muffins between us where we were equals could only be described as nice. Being just a person was nice.  
“Okay” I conceded, making him raise his eyebrows in mock surprise. “I am willing to forgo status among us but then I must ask that you treat me with respect. That you do not abuse of this liberty.”  
“You think I would abuse you?” he questioned playfully but this smirk seemed just a little tighter than before and the glint in his eyes a little different.  
“I don’t. I just think it’s good to make sure. No matter what happens this is a dangerous situation for me. I’m trying to protect myself.” I justified.  
“Seems fair.” I acquired his conclusion and a smile formed in his lips. “It’s great to be able to use that word without someone making jokes over how fitting it’s for me to say it.” He seemed to be talking to himself more than to me, but his eyes were still moving and pointed in my direction. I smiled too.  
“People think you’re fair? I wouldn’t have pegged you for it.” I teased lightly, hoping this wouldn’t overstep a boundary.  
“Well, then you would have been wrong. People think I’m fair because I always hear both sides and force my self to understand them. I made some huge mistakes when I was younger and was forgiven. I always try to give others the same chance.” He explained. It was like he was explaining the meaning of life to me from how deep his conviction was.   
“That’s impressive.” As I didn’t want silence to last I continued. “People don’t tend to be so flattering towards me. They want a shell for obedience, not qualities of my own.”  
“Which do you think you have?” his question took me by surprise. No one had ever asked me something so personal. I was never supposed to share something that could give so much ammunition. I found myself thinking about it none the less.  
“I like to believe I’m rather observant. I’ve always thought that you cannot judge anyone if you have not inspected every aspect of something and compared it with other cases.” I finally replied, wishing my answer was as satisfactory to him as his was to me.  
“Well than I can only say that you are a fair person as much as you are wise and observant.” He complimented, and I brimmed. I knew this couldn’t be usual.  
“Can I ask you something? Please do not take this the wrong way.” I solicitated. This was about to be as rude as his words had been in our first encounter. I took his expecting look as an invitation to continue. “Why is it that you were so cold yesterday yet this warm today?” He seemed to mull over my words for a long time if the discrete grimaces that agitated his lower face was anything to go by.  
“Because you needed help.” He announced finally. “You were scared and hurt and as hard as I can be I hate to be the cause of such emotions. It’s my way to pay you back even if I think I’ve made one too many concessions today.”  
His speech rendered me mute. I made him feel guilty. I did hurt him but not when I was trying to, not how I was trying to. He had mentioned making huge mistakes and hurting others. Maybe that wound wasn’t completely healed, leaving a blatant weak spot. A weak spot I had exploited mercilessly.  
“I should go.” Said the guilt through my mouth.


	5. Chapter 5

“Your apology is accepted. I wouldn’t put it above a girl your age to do such rash and stupid decisions.” Said my father as he looked at me with a taint of disdain still coloring his gaze. It was still more than I had hoped for. I was in his chamber standing to his right at a respectable distance. He had barely looked at me, seemingly too busy with a work of literature, sitting in his arm chair. I had asked him for an audience as soon as the sun had risen. He, of course, made me wait over an hour before he had given me permission to present myself to him.   
“Thank you, Father, it will not happen again.” I repeated once again. This conversation seemed to be on a circular track for every sentence had been told at least twice. Almost an hour had gone by since Lord Maucin summoned me to his chambers to talk about the previous day’s events. Once again, he’d shown harshness and received me with hurtful words, but my façade had been strong.  
“I should hope so. You may retire now.” Declared the man and I nodded and bowed my head in respect as I excited the room.   
As I walked out my spirit refused to understand the events I just lived. Blade’s advice worked! My father is satisfied and calmed (relatively) by my apology. Placating him proved to be simple. Was everything truly that simple? Could any situation be turned into something so abstract? Should such an action be done? It pained me deeply to know I had tricked him in such a matter as his concern for my safety. I truly was a horrible daughter and maybe did deserve to be disowned. My actions just weren’t even an excuse of an apology.  
The more this thoughts festered inside of me, the more I realized there was no joy in the reconciliation I had orchestrated based in the most hideous of lies. Perhaps another discussion, one with real sentiments expressed on it, was in need. Yet, the possibility of my father realizing my deceive was frightening.  
As my soul was occupied by such morbid reveries I reached my chambers and called in my servants. My maid, Maria, braided my hair onto an intricate hairstyle. I had to look my best yet keep a sense of casualty: Queen Lucy had invited me to her private parlor for tea. I couldn’t comprehend why the royals were granting me so many honors. I was a minor noble. Their interest seemed almost misplaced.  
Even after the Valiant monarch declaration of her brother’s affection towards me. In truth, that statement seemed t make everything ludicrous. A King has no interest in plain woman such as me. I might be a Lady, but my rank might as well be dirt next to his. High King of Narnia. He was fitting only for a queen.  
Every passing second, my spirit was further troubled. The attentions of a King, a mysterious servant in a balcony, a furious father and an all too welcoming royal family all meeting under the warm sun of this magical country. How had a simple celebratory voyage turned into this anguishing situation.  
Maria had finally finished and signaled it to me efficiently bringing me back to awareness. I had to control myself. If was to lose my calm façade I would dishonor all of Anur’s comities. I inhale a single time pushing doubt down. Yet this technique proved ineffective for as I stood I felt like I was walking towards a deadly trial. The youngest of my hosts had never shown any intention of confrontation nut my insecurities clouded my reason. A dame of company waited for me outside my rooms. By my father order I wasn’t to be left alone at any moment. My emotional turmoil stopped me, once again, from appreciating the path I was guided through. The drama had to come to an end or my sanity would.   
An eternity or a minute passed, and two guards pushed a gigantic double door open. The parlor was a beautiful composition of strangeness. The furniture was similar to what I knew for I could define the objects as divans, but their silhouette was rather bizarre. The fabric covering them seemed so cheap and rough I had to suppress a gasp. Narnia was a proper nation. Its rulers were wealthy beyond belief. Surely, they could afford better. Why had this noble personality contempt herself with such flimsy cloth? Disgust shook me: a castle should be filled with embroideries and silk, not this vulgar material.  
“Oh! Lady Maucin! Please, take a seat” exclaimed the young Queen, startling me. Her behavior was oddly casual and cheerful. Had her brother’s health improved? It seemed, as natural source for such glee.   
“Thank you, Your Majesty. Has your royal brother’s illness receded?” I asked as good mannerly as I could to be assaulted by doubt the very next moment. Was my question impolite? Had I been too gossipy? I sure wouldn’t have done this to anybody else. Why did the majestic siblings make me forget every etiquette rule ever thought to me?  
The young woman sobered immediately, and I realized no answer was needed. Ashamed, I finally followed her invitation and sat down to be gladly surprised by the fine cloth. It seemed the bulk appearance had completely fooled me. “I am sorry for intruding” I said in a low voice. I wanted to mumble but that could never be done in the presence of a royal.  
“It’s okay. No, Edmund hasn’t gotten better yet. Sometimes I doubt he will ever return.” Th pure sorrow in her voice stopped any more questions to come out of me. King Edmund was dying. What could I say to take away such pain? How could I make the words ‘I’m sorry’ mean enough to express my empathy? Was it even worth trying? Was it truly better than nothing?  
“I’m sorry.” I tried but my heart wanted to cave out at that exact moment. Why did something truthful sound so fake?  
“Let’s not talk about it.” I remembered how Queen Susan had mentioned that she had always been the closest to the Just monarch. This must be like a collar strangling her. At least, that was what it was like with my mother. I respected her grief by staying silent and looking at my lap intensely. It took her long moments to get herself under control. Even longer to look at me and manage a smile. “Let’s not let this ruin tis morning. I invited you here because I want to meet the woman Peter likes better.”   
I immediately flushed. My doubt from earlier resurfaced and found myself unable to speak. How could such a man have feelings for someone like me?  
“Your Majesty is too kind…” I stuttered and hated myself for it. Where was my strength? The feistiness I showed when meeting Blade.  
“Don’t worry. You are not in interrogation or anything. I just thought that if you caught Pete’s eyes is because there is something wonderful in you. Take this as a conversation from one friend to another.” Her words were comforting, and a small ray of sunshine settled in me at hearing them. This Queen, this woman was a real flower blooming in everyone’s heart. And for some reason she considered me a friend. It was all so overwhelming. And yet I didn’t feel the strongest of fears like I should’ve.  
“I am so grateful you would consider me a friend, Your Grace.” I answered dutifully, truthfully, submissively. Where had the last part even come from?  
“You can call me Lucy. And please drop the formalities I think our conversation a couple of days ago proved that I’m not the best with that.” Her boldness made me flush. How improper was this? Calling a queen by her name. but if I didn’t I would disobey a direct order. How did I get myself in this situation?  
“I don’t think that conversation meant much. Is hard to know someone when internal turmoil is haunting them.” My answer was a contradiction to a Higher Rank person. What was happening to me? I was clearly a disgrace to my family and country. I would be sentenced to death no doubt.  
“Yeah, I know but that is who I am. Well except for the beastliness. That was definitely more like Ed. I’m usually pretty calm. I guess you would understand. According to everyone that’s met you, you are a tamed woman that never disrespects anyone. And still you disappeared for a whole day.” The end of her sentence felt close to an accusation and suddenly I remembered search parties were made for me. I had worried everyone for a grief that had no justification. This place was changing me, but I wasn’t sure if it was in a good way. In Anur this behavior wouldn’t have even crossed my mind. Not since I understood that my childhood antics were to stay behind me.  
“I am so sorry for the inconvenience that I caused. I was in the castle, but I guess it wasn’t a visible part, but I got lost after the party and I…” Bubbly laughter interrupted me, and I looked up to see the Valiant letting go of her angry façade. I was surprised to say the least. This had to be a mistake. What I had done had no excuse, what was causing the laughter?  
“Don’t worry. When we first came to Cair that happened every other day with one of us. This place is just so big, and people around here tend to panic. That’s only because they care, thought.”  
“You got lost in your own castle?” I couldn’t hep the laughter. She was so easy to talk to. Court and manners be damned. I wanted to enjoy something for once.  
“It sounds pretty ridiculous, huh? Yeah, we wanted to see everything and sometimes we liked to hide so that they wouldn’t bother us with etiquette classes for a couple of hours. Now that I recall it, it seems so childish but at the time it seemed like genius.” Her smile was as contagious as any other form of joy coming from her and it felt so nice. I could stay here forever.  
“I remember me and my brother hiding form our tutors as well, it was so much fun seeing them trying to find us.” I confessed. Such things should be buried in a past inaccessible to everyone.  
“Really? I always loved hide and seek. My siblings always got pissed at me because I wanted to play it all the time. But then one day we stopped. Nothing could compare to a game we had when I was eight and we didn’t even want to try.” She confessed with the smallest bit of nostalgia in her voice. I couldn’t comprehend how a game could be so great to ruin any other attempt to compete with it, but I wasn’t about to question the mind of a child.  
“You seem to be extremely close to your siblings.” I commented. Everyone knew the Narnian monarchs were close, but it was still surprising to see. My brother and I thought we were close-knit, but it couldn’t compare to the fondness in her voice.   
“You have no idea. They are my entire world. I guess it’s normal since we grew up mostly just with each other. We lost our parents when we were only kids so Su and Pete became my parents and Edmund was my best friend. It was just easier to talk to him. I love Narnians but sometimes you need to talk to humans.” I realized in that moment I was truly unprepared to meet this family. I knew nothing of their story. Why hadn’t I bothered to check before?  
“That sounds lovely.” I said fondly, and it truly did. A family build from ashes, stronger than before in which everyone has a place. They were so strong and so unlike any story told of them.   
“It is. It was hard to get to this point, but it was definitely worth it. And I mean we are close, but we still are siblings, so we still fight a lot. What about you? if I remember correctly you have an older brother that just got married. Are you close?” where did so much kindness come from? What had I done to deserve this wonderful morning? Her voice was so full of joy…  
“We are close, but I can’t recall any fights. He is my brother and my elder, so I make sure to never contradict him. he knows better after all.” I explained, surprised by her roused eyebrows. Did what I say didn’t make any sense? I thought I coherent to treat someone you owed respect to this way.  
The royal siblings were making my head turn. Every time I thought I understood something they changed every rule. I couldn’t use any of my education or etiquette because it just wasn’t normal to them. They could be so regal but were so… common all the same. In less than an hour with the Queen I already questioned everything I was ever taught. This vision of the world just wasn’t normal. It seemed almost like they came from a whole other world.  
“I sometimes forget that people can be raised with that much etiquette.” Her chuckle went almost unnoticed. Surely, she’d been raised the same way or even more strictly. Her breeziness just didn’t make sense. “Every day I’m happier of my upbringing and to have people that won’t let me forget it. I swear, if Ed ever heard me say something like that he’d kill me and whoever taught that to me. Sometimes it really seems like ten years of living in a palace haven’t changed him at all.”  
I felt horrible. She couldn’t stop talking about her brother. Her grief must really be affecting her. I wondered what her reaction to loosing someone she clearly cared so much about would be. Sometimes people never stopped grieving, perhaps this would turn out to be one of those cases.  
My reveries were interrupted by the guards opening the door to let Queen Susan in. she was wearing the most beautiful of red gowns, embroider with rubies and topazes. The underskirt was an almost black shade of scarlet. Her hair was held only by a gold broach to stay out of her face. It few down her back in a manner that should’ve seemed unproper but gave her an air of sophistication. The smallest of diamonds decorated her cleavage, but they shinned brighter than the stars. I felt so small.  
Whereas Queen Lucy was inviting, Queen Susan was rather imposing. Of course, you could see her gentle spirit, her undoubtable kindness. Nevertheless, she seemed like an ideal no one could ever reach and that terrified me.  
“I’m sorry I’m late. Peter needed my help with some matters. Lady Maucin, it’s great to see you.” Announced the Gentle. I couldn’t comprehend her apology. She was powerful enough to never be late in the eyes of others. Why would she bother with a gesture reserved to those she outranked?  
“Your Majesty.” I responded while getting on my feet and bowing. There was no other way to behave in front of this goddess.  
“Please, there is no need for that. When in this room I’m just Susan.” Her declaration made more sense than her sister. At least she had admitted that this situation, this casualty was conditional and temporary. “What are you talking about?” The casualties felt even worse coming from her than from Queen Lucy. She just seemed to be so much bigger than life itself…  
“Oh, I was just telling her about how Ed would flip if he heard someone saying you can’t fight with your brother because he’s older.” Explained the youngest with a little laugh. Her love for her brother was just so pure.  
“I’m sorry about her Lady Maucin, she cannot go through an entire conversation without mentioning Edmund. They depend so much on each other I sometimes get seriously worried.” And suddenly the oldest royal was much less imposing. Inside this doors she’d become a friend, gently mocking someone she cared for. It made me feel both better and worse to know she always included her brother in conversation. For once, his death would be that much harder on her and she truly didn’t deserve it. On the other hand, it showed that the grief still hadn’t consumed her.  
“It’s quite alright. I am glad to hear you are so close to your royal brother.” I reassured her. When I did so I had to remind myself in this place she was only a woman, not a queen. Why was it so impossible yet so simple to see?  
“Yes. We all are very close even if there is a division between Peter and I and Lucy and Ed. It’s always been that way.” The eldest confirmed making me smile softly. They truly made a beautiful family. “What do you think of Narnia this far?” her question was gentle, yet I felt trapped. Of course, I quite enjoyed the place, the magical aura it possessed and all the opportunities it represented. People on the other hand… well they’d all been nice but it they were so confusing. I couldn’t say that to their rulers thought.  
“It is a very beautiful place, if different than what I expected.” I compromised. Something told me that saying only half the truth would quickly be uncovered by the sisters.   
“What do you mean? What did you imagine different?” asked the youngest with an innocence I thought woman our age should’ve already surpassed.   
“Well, if I may be so bold…” I started but regretted it instantly. Who was I to speak to them that way. ‘You’re no one’ chastised my mind borrowing the tone of my father.   
“You are free to say what you wish.” Reassured the auburn-haired beauty. “I can swear to you none of this shall exit this room and no consequences shall fall upon you.” Somehow her words worked as a spell that took the last of my education away.  
“I was merely thinking that your Majesties are greatly different to what is said of you. In the best of ways that is.” My confession should be a source of shame, but their reassuring smiles served to take that away.   
“I guess we are. There is just so much myth around us. I mean Pete can be great but Magnificent is a bit much. He has a lot of defects like his need to always be right and to show he can do everything better than others. I am nice but honestly, I’m also really harsh to those around me. I like things a certain way and don’t accept anything else. Ed can be pretty dark and harsh, but he is genuinely good. He just builds up walls too big to dig. And Lu is really brave and nice, but she also tends to hide behind others, so they would solve her problems.” Explained the Gentle and I was amazed that she could criticize herself and her family in such a rough way and still smile. It seemed so arbitrary when said this way, but it should be so much more. Why wasn’t it?  
Time didn’t improve my understanding of them. We talked little about me and more about Narnian culture and the people in them. They also talked plenty about their brothers. The love in that family was a bit overwhelming. But most of all I was astonished at meeting the High King through another perspective. He seemed good, kind and caring but his competitive nature and superiority complex were highlighted strongly. This was, obviously, made through lighthearted jokes but it was still rather scary.  
When lunch came around I excused myself politely. My father and I were not in the best of situations and me avoiding spending time with him wouldn’t help matters. The day blurred by in a whirlwind of confusion. This country was so different, and I was still trying to wrap my head around it. At the party King Peter danced with me and told me a couple of sweet words. Something close to “You look as ravishing as the sun.” If only he knew I liked the moon much better.  
I soon excused myself and snuck out of my chambers to go to the balcony. I needed clarity and didn’t think I could find it anywhere else. I found Blade there sitting at the table with a book. As I entered he put it down. He seemed to have been waiting for me. I liked the ambience the candle light brought. It made it all seem less prohibited.  
“How did it go with your father?” he asked, and I couldn’t help but smiling. He cared, he wanted to know.  
“He said he forgave me but it all felt so fake. It almost seemed like I didn’t even truly apologized.” I confessed. I wanted to tell him this all day. I wanted his advice. The reason for such feeling.  
“A conversation of the sort will always feel fake or incomplete. It is actions, efforts put into motion that will show how genuine you are. Words are powerful but can only do so much.” He explained and it all made sense. This was a formality that had to be passed, next would come the truth. It didn’t mean I liked it. The conversation was over however, and I strived for something to say. Anything. He had waited for me, he deserved more than this.  
“Queen Lucy invited me to her parlor today” I confessed a little shily. This man was no gentleman and even one wouldn’t be interested in hearing about my mundane activities. This was gossip meant for woman.  
“Yeah, how was it?” he asked, sounding genuine. I was stunned into silence for just a couple of seconds. How was this of enough relevance for him to listen?  
“It was… strange. I mean the conversation in itself seemed like a riddle, but I still can’t get over the furniture. It was so cheap looking it was almost repulsing” I said, surprised that the first thing I thought of was those odd divans. So much more had happened. Why was my focus in such a trivial thing?  
“Hey! I happen to love those couches!” he said a little harshly but when I turned to see him with a little fear I saw a sardonic smile in his face. Was he taunting me? Why did that feel so nice? “And I mean sure they look really rustic but there is a reason for that!”  
“What reason could there be for a high breed such as a Queen to lower herself to that level?” I asked trying to show my indignation but smiling at his openness and good humor.  
“You do know the Kings and Queens weren’t born royal, right? They were born far away from here in a really humble environment. Those couches are there to remind her of those she knew when she was younger. Of course, it’s not traditional but it’s a private room so nobody cares. It’s her little nostalgic place.” He explains with a sincere smile yet making it sound like he was mocking me in a fond way.  
“But then how did they become monarchs of the most powerful of countries?” The doubt took priority in my mind as I could understand the rest. Nostalgia is a powerful force. After my mother’s passing multiple rooms at our estate had remained untouched for months and even years as a way to keep her memory intact.  
“Aslan brought them here and when they defeated the White Witch they were crowned.” His statement was the slightest bit condescending. Of course, I could understand that this was his culture, and this was common knowledge, but it was still no reason to treat me this way. Those news hadn’t reached our part of the world. he must’ve seen my confusion because he chuckled and rolled his eyes.  
“I must admit to never have heard of such events. I always thought they were of noble upbringing and merely overthrew the usurper.” I couldn’t deny the shamefulness of my poor education on the matter. It was the very least I should know about my hosts.  
“I wish it’d been that easy. It was a whole adventure and a lot of people suffered.”  
“Of course. War always hurts people.”  
“You have no idea, Sunshine…” with those words Blade zoned out and his eyes took on a haunted look. Things I had yet to think about galloped into my spirit. He had affirmed that his friends had nicknamed him Blade. Of course, that had to be a reference to his skills in battle. I had seen my father coming back from battle a couple of times and knew how harshly that had affected him. The man before me had clearly left a portion of his soul in the war.  
Looking at him, I was desperate to give him some support. Something to hold onto. When my father had gone through those hard times I had been but a baby. I still recall my mother taking his hand, caressing his knuckles and talking to him in soft whispers to stop the morbid scenario to haunt him. I wanted to do that with Blade, but I didn’t dare. He seemed to be much more open today but was that enough? Would the gesture destroy what little advanced we had come to know? No, I couldn’t put this fragile bond on the line. Nevertheless, I was not unkind and hated to ¬¬¬¬see the suffering in the brown orbs.  
“How old were you?” my question was careful, guarded. A way to steer him out of memories without changing the conversation drastically. God knew that would only shock him.  
“First time I saw war or first time I fought?” he said with a smirk and something close to humor in his face, but his eyes still had that empty feeling. I just waited for a minute, unsure of what to answer. This man had seen so much. “I guess, to be fair, the first time I was truly involved in a war I was ten years old. I mean I was always around violence but that is different from war.”  
“You were so young…” I commented absolutely shocked. I had never heard of such a young soldier, it was disturbing to say the least.  
“Yeah, well, that’s life.” He muttered with the slightest sigh. This time I couldn’t help myself. I was used to this man being totally stoic but the memories of the hell he must’ve seen were taking that away from him. I gently put my hand on his arm, hoping to give comfort. Instead I felt his body tense. As I was about to retire my limb he relaxed and gifted me with the smallest of smiles. “Thanks”  
I found myself smiling with the softness I believes to be reserved to children. Why was my heart hammering in my ribs? Why did I want to… what did I want?  
“Let’s not talk about me. Tell me something else about you.” He proposed, and I was glad for the tangent. That was until it hit me. He wasn’t shutting me out.  
“Am I dreaming? Are you making conversation?” I teased before realizing how unworthy that was of me. A Lady would never do that, not even with a servant. And even if I had said I would let go of title when being here this was too much. My thoughts were interrupted by the smallest of chuckles.  
“Well if it’s that much of a problem we can stay in silence.” He countered but there was no bite behind his words. Those were words of a friend, yet they were so honest. Did this cold strong man feel insecure? Like he would be shut down? I wanted to pry but didn’t dare do so.  
“Actually, I kind of enjoy it” I replied with a mischievous grin. I paused, considering how to continue. “I don’t know what to tell you. Everything that’s happened to me seems so insignificant compared to the pain you’ve been through.” My admission made me feel so small. I had suffered and went through what had seemed like a lot to me, yet next to the dark waves of despair that radiated from this man felt like nothing. Where had my eighteen years of experiences gone when I needed the most insignificant of all of them?  
“Why is me having gone to war such a change? You still lived things and that still matters. Stop comparing yourself to me.” Strangely I felt like a small child being lectured. Was my reaction all that childish and stupid? No, it wasn’t. This was just the sharp edges of his personality. I still stayed quiet, feeling stupidly ashamed. “What is your favorite memory?” to say I was startled would’ve been an understatement. Yet I wouldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth. I was going to take the rope he offered me.  
“I guess my favorite memory would be my brother and I playing in the gardens of our estate back in Anur. He had sneaked me out of my lessons with my governess to the garden. When my mother and father found out they were furious. We were covered in mud and dry leaves but smiling form ear to ear. I don’t even remember what we were playing, just a feeling of pure happiness.” I remembered that day in feelings and couldn’t ask for more. The calm that always came with the knowledge of being loved was more than enough for me.  
“He sounds like a great guy.” He commented with a smile wavering between content and slightly mocking.   
“He is. I which he was here but he is recently married and couldn’t leave his new estate so soon after consummating his relationship.” The mere thought of him made me nostalgic. If he was here, he would’ve never let father speak to me the way he had. He was my guardian angel and being so far from him left a hole in my chest.  
“Yeah, he’s in his honey moon period. Don’t worry you’ll see him again soon.” Was he comforting me? What happened to the dark man from yesterday.  
“You’re in a good mood.” I commented, trying hard not to make it sound like a reproach.  
“I am. I fixed a lot of things that needed fixing today. If this keeps going this way, I’ll finish before the end of the week. It’s a nice change. I’ve been working non-stop for almost three months now.” His explanation made perfect sense. It didn’t have to do with me, but then why did I wish it did?  
“I’m glad to hear that.” And I was, I just wished our conversation was the reason for his good mood.   
Silence, our loyal companion made itself known again but there was no tension. It was merely a way of acknowledging the end of a conversation. I looked around for just a moment, happy to see the moon playing in the woods that edged in my vision. Those must be the western woods. I knew that I wasn’t supposed to know anything about geography, but I had always loved that discipline. My brother would often repeat his lessons to me with boredom, but I absorbed it all. How could he not love this way of traveling only with a map? You knew everything from everywhere. How could that be neglected?  
“What did Lucy tell you this morning?” he asked. Lucy. He called the Valiant Queen by her name. Was this the boldness that belonged to Narnians? I had always heard that this people had a more casual relationship with their sovereigns but his was a bit of an exaggeration. “You do realize you are staring at me and that a fly just flew into your mouth, right?” his mischievous words startled me and when their significance caught up with me I started coughing and spitting in the most unladylike way possible. I needed that insect out of my mouth.   
I finally managed to make it exit my insides to be welcomed with a thunderous laughter. Blade was openly laughing at me. I tried to be offended but it was hard. His laughter, like everything else in him seemed to be made of black velvet: imposing yet soft in a dark way. It was something to be treasured in its rarity and that made it contagious. I smiled but showed my slight anger by smacking his arm playfully. That only made his booming laughter grow. I soon joined him. It was liberating. A Lady was never to laugh this way but in this space none of that matters.  
“You have a nice laugh.” He complimented smirking.  
“So, do you. It would be great for people to hear it more often” And it was true. His laughter seemed like a beautiful pearl that should be paraded around as much as it could.  
“Nah, that would totally destroy my reputation.” Was he serious or mocking? Why was it so hard to tell?  
“If your reputation won’t let you laugh then it is not worth defending.” I countered in my best wise voice. That way the conversation was to stay lighthearted, but the truth would still be told. For a second, I wondered where I had learned this ability of analysis only to realize the source of the knowledge was in front of me. I always knew such things, but it was how easy it was to talk to him that made me able to use it.  
“Some people need scary reputations. We can’t al be like you, Sunshine.” The night hid the blush that colored me when I thought of his nickname for me. I loved it.  
“Why must such things exist?” I wondered and suddenly there was no lightheartedness to the conversation. Not to say it was harsh or simply depressing. It was merely too intense for laughter.  
“It’s a protection in a certain way. A way not to get hurt. If you are already seen as the shadowy one no one will belittle you for being so.” His answer took me by surprise but reminded me of something. This morning the queens had said something rather similar. Did that make it true?  
“So, I’ve heard from the monarchs.” I commented, making him smile sadly.  
“You should listen to them more. They tend to be pretty wise.” His words seemed to be against everything he preached for. Recognizing their wisdom was surely a way of admitting their superiority. Still, commenting on it wasn’t my style.   
I let silence wash over us for a little while. He seemed to be deep in thought and I found myself -studying him. Of course, the night sky and light played tricks on my vision, but I could still clearly distinguish his angular cheekbones that led to an all to perfect nose. He truly was a work of a shady artist, someone to be contemplated for as long as it could be done. If one was to become a poet, it could be said that he was an illuminated shadow of the starriest night. The son of a full moon graced with the light that defined her.  
Before I knew it, I was biting my lip, wishing for his attention to be in me like mine was in him. maybe if I said something. But… would that make me seem desperate? What could I say that wouldn’t give such an impression? Why did I even care about such things?  
“Anur doesn’t have this beautiful climate. It is often raining there. I always wished to have a balcony there, one I could read books on and where embroidery took a new perspective thanks to the landscape. I love how aerated this castle is. It adds to it’s magic.” Stupid. He didn’t care. Why did I say that of all things?  
“Yeah? Is this your favorite type of weather?” why was he interested? Why did it feel so nice? I had to force myself to focus on the words and not their emissary.  
“I don’t know. I like the warmth, but the humidity combined with it is a little heavy. I guess my favorite climate is warm but with the effects of a forest. I just love to be surrounded by trees.” Wondering out loud when close to him seemed natural, perfect.  
“You would love Western Woods then. The trees just surround you every step but let the sun sneak through their leaves. It is one of the best walks one could ever make.” Him continuing such a trivial conversation was nice. I wanted to know this and so much more about him. Wanted to learn what he had to teach.  
“I thought they were dangerous.” The comities had indeed made a point to warn us all of the danger of the place. It was after all close enough for some adventurous young man to wonder in.  
“It is. But the beauty is worth it. To me, adventure and beauty will always matter more than the danger I take to get there.” He declared with such conviction in him that it contradicted his sardonic smile. When seeing this I realized the truth. The absolute truth I had tried to hide.  
“I guess it is.”  
In that moment I threw my title of this heights and embraced who I was.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey evryone  
> I know it's been a while but my life has been crazy.  
> Anyways here is chapter 6 and i know it ends a bit abruptly but i really wanted to update soemthing so bear with me.  
> Thank you for all the support!!

What was happening to me? Was this insanity that seemed to be surrounding me, coming out of my own body?  
A goofy smile decorated my features as I woke next morning. I felt… better, happier. Blade and I had talked until the early hours of the morrow. They’d been small conversations but so many topics had been discussed. I had learned so much yet so little. He mentioned loving rainy weather for it reminded him of his early life. I confessed to not knowing how to swim and he countered mocking my inability to do what he called a basic survival skill. Like him not knowing the constellations wasn’t shameful. Honestly, who believes a star arrangement is called the frying pan? The laughter that ensued was uncontrolled, untamed. Real.  
Life simply felt more real when I could forget manners and talk to Blade.  
Maria noticed when she entered room to help me prepare. Obviously, she tried to spare my pride by hiding her sly smile. God was I that obvious? Was my smile going to reveal Blade’s presence in the balcony? No. It couldn’t be. No one knew about our midnight meetings. She must be attributing my joy to something else.   
Still a nagging feeling took hold of my happy heart. Was I being careful enough? What would happen if people’s attention was called to Blade’s small escapades? Would he be fired? Was I putting him in danger? Had King Edmund heard any of our giggles from his death bed in the last nights? What would happen now?  
I forced myself to take a shuddering breath. Surely if something of the sort was happening the entire castle would hear. Furthermore, it seemed my friend had been doing this for a while before I came. Maybe he knew how to hide his footsteps. Except there was no way to know if that’d be enough.  
We’d been loud last night… had someone heard? The Just King’s chambers always seemed so empty, almost as if there were no guards keeping him safe. That wouldn’t make any sense however. No royal would be left alone so blatantly. Not even one known for his fighting skills. They had to be there. Hidden so naïve idiots like me would feel trusting of their independence in the space. They had to have seen me. I felt like falling over.  
“My Lady? Are you well?” asked my maid kindly but I could barely hear her. I was such a dishonor. Not only had I put my country, my family and my own reputation at risk, I had to do it in the way that would guarantee the hatred of one of the most powerful men in this world.  
I was so scared. King Edmund was known to be a fair sovereign to those inside his limits, but his external relations had been enough to dote him of The Dark King title. I had never had the chance to meet him or his siblings before this voyage but all who had described him as the shadow to the sun that were his siblings. Rumors of him never smiling or his stare, strong enough to send our world back into winter circulated amongst all the social classes. None wasn’t afraid of him.  
Of course, I knew rumors weren’t real. At least not to that extent. People had built up on his characteristics to create a myth. Just like the Queens had said yesterday. They affirmed their brother was a good man, but it was their duty to defend their family. Who was I to trust? Those who knew him but could be blinded by love or those who were impartial in their ignorance?  
No matter, even they agreed on something he was imposing and not the kindest. Of course, it had to be me to bother him when he was ill. There would be no forgiveness on my actions. If only I hadn’t come back after the first night, it could be excused as a mistake. But bringing food and coming for five nights in a row wouldn’t be overlooked.  
Still, why hadn’t they acted yet? Blade had said so himself: I was a terrible spy and even if the dark-haired men could glide on the floors without a sound he would have been caught by the royal guards. They were, after all, the best spies and arms men in the country. We would be condemned anytime now.  
I tried to think of a way out and couldn’t help but reminiscence of the sovereign’s kindness to me. Queen Lucy affirmed that her royal brother was smitten with me. Would that guarantee leniency? I doubted it. If something was clear to me was that the siblings would put each other and their family’s comfort before any of the others. It was a hopeless option.  
I was a Lady, but I was by no mean influent enough to be kept safe with such an offense hanging over my head. And if I was in such predicament, Blade… There would be no pity to a rebellious servant. He had no safety net and was risking everything for the view from a balcony. Was even calm enough to light candles and read books there. Had I made an unfair judgment when deciding that he was by no means allowed in that space? No. He’d been so adamant about keeping himself hidden.  
Then why? Why was that balcony worth so much risk?  
‘But the beauty is worth it. To me, adventure and beauty will always matter more than the danger I take to get there.’ His voice seemed to be repeating in my head. He was so reckless. So brave. So admirative of what he saw.  
I had to focus. There had to be a way to save the brown-eyed men and his peculiar vision of the world. but then again if I was wrong and somehow our visits had gone unnoticed and I asked for him I would surely make all my fears come true. There was no way to be subtle about this. Why would a Lady ask to see a servant, a warrior…?  
He was a warrior! Of course! If he was okay, he had to be in the training grounds. From what he told me yesterday he’d clearly seen war and fought for Narnia. I knew that the training session I’d been invited to had been only for nobles. The common soldiers would probably be training earlier. More likely now…  
I jumped up. I didn’t even realize I had sit down or that Maria had unmade my corset to help me breath. She was startled out of her gentle words and encouragements for me to breath. She was immediately trying to stop me from running out of my rooms, but I wouldn’t allow it. I needed to know.  
“My Lady, please, you are not fit to get out! What would everyone think?” she yelled after me and I finally slowed down. She was right. I was trying to find out if anybody knew my secret by acting in rashest way know to man. I let her usher me back to my rooms and finish changing me. Thankfully she had noticed my hurry and made quick work of the lace dress I would wear that day. As soon as I was finished, I called in my lady-in-waiting and asked her to inform my father I would be late to breakfast. She bowed her head in turn and left. Maria directed a poorly concealed alien look to me, but I merely ignored it. Her opinion wasn’t my concern.  
I walked into the halfway. It was still early so not many were around. I still forced myself to keep a proper posture, disinterested look and a slow pace. I just hoped I wouldn’t be too late. There was no way I could wait for the night to have any confirmation on my doubts. I had to know he was safe.  
When I reached the gardens, relief washed over me. The troops were still marching, training. It was my chance to know if my friend was okay. I looked for him in the ranks that should have been perfectly ordained. Should. Everyone was tripping over one another, unused to their positions from what I gathered. Were this new recruits?  
No, I could see them making space for people that weren’t there. People were missing. Clearly more than a few. Where had half the army gone too? How long had they been gone? Why would they go? As far as I knew Narnia wasn’t involved in any campaign right now nor was there trouble inside their borders. Why would the army be deployed and in a fashion that made the reminders so clumsy?  
At the head of the troops, a general seemed to be going crazy, trying to organize his troops. Why would such havoc be happening? I shook my head, wishing for my spirit to focus on what mattered: Blade. And whether or not he was alive. I tried to find his face but the chaos ensuing before my eyes was of no help. Not to mention that all gentlemen were wearing helmets that covered their features. It was hopeless.   
As a knot formed in my stomach, I heard voices coming from behind me. I immediately turned towards them, hoping with all my being that they were not there for me. Entering the training ground were King Peter and a centaur. They both seemed worried and perhaps a little frustrated.  
“Without your brother’s troops it seems everybody has forgotten how to function.” Declared the centaur. His voice was grave and harsh. He was, without a doubt, a high rank in the Narnian army. The High King sighed and rubbed his eyes with calloused fingers.  
“This makes no sense. Ed’s troops always fought on their own. The only thing they did with everyone was march. Why would our level drop this way?” he wondered out loud. I was relieved they hadn’t seen me. I truly was. But it seemed as though I was intruding on a confidential conversation. It seemed wrong to be hearing about this… yet I couldn’t forget the words that reached my ears. King Edmund’s troops were missing. Why did the monarchs have different troops? And why were some deployed? Did this mean the Narnians were doing a campaign behind the world’s back? Why and against who?  
“I believe this is a moral statement. I don’t believe the troops are calm with what is happening right now. This… division isn’t good for anybody.” Declared the centaur. What division? Were there problems in this land that were unknown to the world? They seemed of rather big importance and yet the world thought all there was in this country was parties in the name of their sovereigns.   
Should I be worried?  
“I know this isn’t good for anyone, but I can’t just fix it! I wish I could but with the little tantrum he’s throwing there’s no way to talk to him!” The Magnificent sounded truly wounded up. Irritated and worried. I couldn’t stop myself from theorizing. Had King Edmund withdrawn his troops? Had the brothers fought to warrantee such a thing? Nevertheless, King Edmund was sick. This made no sense.  
“I don’t believe it’s my place to mingle in your personal affairs, but I am worried about our army. If something was to happen, we wouldn’t be really effective right now. We mustn’t be so vulnerable in a time like this.” Replied the centaur calmly and I greatly admired his capacity to stay calm as his ruler yelled in such a way.  
“Well what do you suggest?” the exasperated yell took me by surprise, but the half horse creature didn’t even finch. He must’ve been used to such outbursts.  
“I suggest you contact him and propose a truce. It’s been over a month and the only thing you’ve succeeded on is debilitating the capital.” The boldness shocked me. it didn’t matter what rank the Narnian had, no one should speak to a King in such manner. No one should even dare. A King had to know what was best for his country.  
“You’re crossing a line, Oreius. You are my friend but like you said there is no reason for you to advise me on my private life.” For the first time since coming to this country, I saw a reaction I expected. No such disrespect would be allowed as it should be. “I will not concede to his nonsense or exaggerations. He’s trying to force my hand and I refuse to give him that pleasure. Our troops were perfectly manageable before he brought the foe creatures along. Why would their absence render us useless?” Once again, I wished I knew more of their history. What was the difference between their army and the foe creatures? Were they truly that recent?  
“I’m sorry to be the bearer of news but your personal life affects the whole kingdom. This fight is putting us in a lot of danger. I can’t be sure if the threat your brother saw was real but if it is, we should be prepared, united. Not falling apart like we are now. The Narnian army could work well without the foe beasts because we were united. We learned to trust them and are now fighting as cripples.” The centaur seemed to be losing his patience as much as his King. I stored the information: it was well known that the Dark King was responsible for the Narnians spies and the military. Of course, his illness would hinder him from completing his duties, but his information should still be taken in account. Had the brothers fought before the younger had fallen ill? Should the circumstances not help fix this?  
I was getting scared. This conversation, this bit of confidential information left one thing clear: this country was in danger. The world thought this to be the one of safest places in this world, no one had brought guards with them. We were under the impression we would be unharmed. Fear griped me. The Narnian army was falling apart and a possible threat loomed in the shadows. I suddenly doubted we would leave this place in time or in one piece.   
I knew Narnia was strong, but everybody knew this was thanks to the union of their sovereigns. Sovereigns that were now fighting and denying the purpose and capacities of one another. Sovereigns that were hurting over the death of one of them. Sovereigns that were far away from one another if this conversation was anything to go by. This voyage suddenly seemed like a huge mistake, a trap. No, not a trap. A masquerade. A deadly shadow game that could end with the highest representatives of multiple countries. I understood, of course, that most of the guests had travelled for over a month to come here just like I had. This wasn’t planned in the slightest and sending the news would have just created panic. Did we still not deserve a warning that our lives might end in this foreign land?  
“I don’t mean to be harsh or to treat you like the child I know you no longer are, but it’s time you look around. To Lucy and her pain or Susan and her quiet pleas. I’ve know the four of you since you first set foot in this land and I’m aware of how much one’s absence hurts all of your functionality.” The centaur must have seen the guilt ridden look in his King’s eyes. There was so much pain in him, the burden of the world resting in shoulders that seemed too young for the first time. “I don’t mean to say that this is fully your fault, but I must ask, has Edmund ever been wrong about this kind of thing?”  
The Magnificent smirked ever so slightly and looked down for the briefest moment. He seemed so fond of memories that had clearly been buried over matters of state. “Not since we came here. But I still see that young kid, looking for enemies in every corner because he felt out of place in peace. I know he’s changed a lot since then, but I can’t see what he is seeing and every time I asked for proof he closed up. I want to trust him, but if this is him just being paranoid making a move could hurt Narnia.” His point of view sounded so much like the one of a father I couldn’t help but remember what Queen Lucy had told me. He had raised his siblings.  
“And if he’s not being paranoid, we are in great danger. Edmund was always rather secretive over his sources. This isn’t new.” Oreius words made me wonder, for the briefest second if this had made the Narnians call their King the Dark King. Was this something that was thought of him locally or just from the exterior?  
“I know, but this is a big accusation. He’s talking about high treason from some of our dearest allies. I just cannot believe they would do such a thing, after how much we’ve helped each other in the past. Why would that change?” The blond men wondered out loud. My heart stopped beating as my brow furrowed. Narnia’s main allies were Archeland, Telmar, Manis and, after the High King’s brief romance with a now deceased princess, Haleia. Which of this countries could possibly want to betray Narnia?   
Everybody knew Archeland’s King, Lune had been the mentor of the sovereigns. Yet he was the only one that had a military force to oppose. Telmar was still a developing nation that owed most of its growth to the kindness Queen Susan, specifically, had given them. Manis was a rich country, with vast resources that had nothing to envy the Narnians as they had never been interested in the martial field (only field in which the four throne’s country overpowered them). Haleia was, of all the before mentioned countries, that only one that probably needed the growth that would come with defeating Aslan’s country, but their princess had been engaged to the High King some years ago and that created a strong bond.  
None of this made sense and I could understand were The High King’s skepticism was coming from. It was hard to imagine anyone raising against such a powerful land, much less the allies that knew could count on their generosities. Maybe that theory had been the beginning of the younger King’s illness. A simple delusion. But then, why were his troops missing? Why were they considering this as a possibility? I always knew politics was a labyrinth, but it was hard to process all this. Some said politics were for men, not for women. If they were any less lost, then I felt I would agree.   
“Crazier things have happened.” The general’s words rang true. The Kings and Queens had fought a witch to end an eternal winter. This couldn’t be the weirdest he had managed. “I’m going to go help with the army. Maybe I can make this a little better but, consider what I’ve told you.” The creature bowed his head and walked away.  
The High King stared after him and sighed. The entire faith of his Kingdom was in his shoulders, put in danger by a fight with his own blood. He was considering treason from his own friends and I found new resect for the men that harbored such stress on a daily basis. Not that I could forgive his omission of the blatant threat on our lives. He looked around him in what seemed to be a calming motion, but his eyes caught me. they widened with realization at the reality. He’d been caught. I bowed my head in shame realizing I should have left when I realized what was being talked about.   
“Lady Maucin, how long have you been here?” He’d gotten closer but he seemed much more closed up than before. I understood this was normal. The information I now withheld could be reason enough for various kingdoms to raise against the monarch. That was the last thing I wanted as the peace this world had enjoyed for the past years had been a true blessing. One I wished not to break. Nevertheless, the lives of all ambassadors were in danger and that shouldn’t ever be ignored.   
A moral dilemma was raging inside of me and I felt sick. Was I to become an accomplice of this masquerade or was I to uncover the comforting lies? I wanted to preserve peace, didn’t want to see any men come back with the haunted look that had clouded Blade’s eyes last night. No one deserved to know such nightmares. But what if King Edmund saw something real? How could I not warn those around me? I couldn’t play around with lives.  
“Your Majesty, I apologize deeply for what I’ve overheard…” I said as submissively as I could muster while my anger boiled ever so slightly at his nerve. How could he be so composed after I heard I could be possibly killed any moment?  
“I would greatly appreciate if you kept this words to yourself. You need not worry yourself with such matters anyways.” He told me in a kind tone, but his eyes had gone dark. I felt so small, like a spec of dust that could be blown away with the first wind. Still, my temper flashed. I shouldn’t worry? I has just heard of the danger I was in and I was supposed to ignore it?  
I wanted to contradict him. a retort was in the tip of my tongue, but I held back. I had already angered him and surely King Edmund wanted my death after my ineptitude. No need to worsen the oncoming punishment.  
“Of course, Your Majesty” I said, and I hated myself the slightest bit for it. This was court and the games that were played here consisted of venomous lies like the one I just uttered.  
“Good.” He declared and turned to leave. As his steps counted up to three, he stopped and, without gracing me with his stare he added. “I can assure you are safe. The danger my brother saw was a ghost and if something were to happen… Let’s just say the army is better at fighting then they are at marching.”  
His cape flew behind him as his silhouette disappeared in the distance, leaving me dazed in a whirlwind of emotions and thoughts. What should I believe? The King truly believed in our safety but his brother, the one who was known for his flare in war thought the opposite. I felt lost, confused if The Magnificent simply wanted my silence with his calming words or if he spoke the truth. I just wished to know something real.  
I glanced at the troops one last time, hoping for a certain shadow to appear but he was nowhere to be seen. My head told me it was too late, but the smallest flicker of hope convinced me to wait until afternoon to know. My punishment surely couldn’t be much worse than it already was. I would risk only one more night, give myself some closure.  
At breakfast my father was calmer than yesterday. His worry seemed to have lessened as no rumor of my honor having suffered circulated the court. Our reputation was safe, and I was glad but couldn’t overjoy. Should I tell my father? He knew better than me, that was for sure. He had to know what to do. But what if he got mad and war broke free? What then? I kept myself quiet as some part of me yelled for me to talk about what was on my mind. I nodded and laughed and talked when it was necessary, but my mind wondered.  
Worse than the doubt was the guilt: I was putting the worry for my friend away to feel sorry for myself and indecisive. Blade was probably being tortured in a dungeon and I was bathing in self-pity. Why couldn’t I stop myself? I could imagine his screams of pain but kept replaying King Peter’s conversation in my mind. I felt like the worse person this land had ever had the shame of seeing.  
Rita called for me after breakfast was over and managed to distract me. I loved my friend so much. She could take any situation and make it bright with her enthusiasm for life. When seeing me, looking absent and asked what was wrong I was tempted to tell her but couldn’t bring myself to. She didn’t insist after my pathetic lie and instead told me of a special kind of flower she discovered in the garden.   
She took me to where it was but even if she claimed she knew exactly where it was, we spent hours losing ourselves in patios and external corridors. Every time we took what was undoubtedly a wrong turn, she found something to enjoy about it. Whether it was ‘the amazing company’, ‘the new favorite fountain’ or even ‘the first rock beautiful enough to guarantee I will never trip over it’ her cheerful voice filled my ears and brought me joy. We spent the day together and I realized that whatever magic this world possessed my home and the people that came from such a place were still the biggest of wonders.   
I needed this. The peace of having someone that loved me for me, that didn’t expect me to keep the most important secret in this celebrations to myself. She truly lifted my spirits but the moment we separated to get ready for the ball I felt empty and confused again. I wanted safety and instead only found more troubles every day. I didn’t know if Blade was okay or if I was for the matter. How did I ended up finding what the sovereigns kept a secret?  
When I entered the ballroom most everyone was there. I hadn’t realized my lethargy was slowing my movements. I was late. It was improper. I didn’t care. I just wished for someone to tell me something true. To trust any of what was happening around me. My eyes met the High King’s briefly, and he seemed to asses me, warn me one last time of the consequences of talking. I nodded and looked down. The last thing I needed was more anger. My only relief was that he clearly hadn’t heard about my escapades to his brother’s balcony. He had only caught on to my most recent mistake.   
I felt like the time would never end. I wanted to scream, show the world the dangerous ground we were walking on and help them save themselves. Except I didn’t know if I would be talking about the ghosts of a dying man. Who and what could I trust?  
I observed the suspects carefully, trying to find if darkness and treachery lied underneath their peaceful masks. King Lune was being friendly and drinking a bit too much. I he was planning something he wouldn’t give himself the benefice of drunkenness. Also, when Queen Susan approached him, he joked and laughed loudly, the way no one could fake to laugh.   
Telmar’s King, Caspian The First, was more closed up but then again, that was usual in his people. They weren’t cheerful, mostly gloom in fact. He seemed attentive to his surroundings but disinterested in the court and it’s matters. He was distracting himself. Of course, he completed his role by talking shortly with each monarch, but he seemed to think this a tedious event. It was unlikely for him to try to strike.  
Haleia was, to me, discarded before it even began the race. They brought their newborn daughter, barely six months of age. They wouldn’t risk her in an attack. Especially since after her sister’s early dismiss, she was the only heir.  
Manis committee was overfriendly, mainly because their prince was trying too to woo Queen Lucy. No sense in trying to attack. Unless it was all a ruse. Nevertheless, their army was known to be weak and small. They weren’t fighters. If they wished to conquer, they would do so through alliances and commerce.  
Maybe it was only a ghost…  
Then why did that thought feel so wrong?  
I kept telling myself that I should worry over what I knew was fact. Blade and I were in danger of being caught. And I worried over the matter. I just couldn’t seem to focus on that topic. I was a horrible friend, forcing him to open up before shamelessly ignoring his safety. I felt like the worst person to ever walk this land…  
“Arina, are you well?” my father concerned voice made me realize I had been staring at the drink in my hands for a long time. I was bout to cry and didn’t trust my voice, so I merely shook my head. “Go get some rest. I’ll go see you when the party is over.”  
A part of me rejoiced that he cared, that he took care of me and didn’t just see a disgrace like he said he would. The rest of me, however, hated that I could be happy. I nodded my head and left the ballroom and truly considered going to my chambers. I didn’t want any more trouble and maybe if I didn’t go Blade could be more discreet. My feet didn’t agree it seemed for they took me in the direction of the balcony.  
As I got closer my brain looked for danger and hidden eyes. And what I saw terrified me: moving shadows, padded footsteps like those of an animal, flickers of a white tail through the corners. I’d been caught. Why couldn’t I stop then? I knew I was already in trouble maybe seeing Blade one more time was worth a bit more trouble. But, was it worth it for him? maybe he had yet to be caught…  
No, it was impossible. This place was heavily guarded. He must have been found some time ago. It was worth it: one more night of beauty and adventure. Then danger would be worth it.  
It always was.  
As I opened the door the flicker of white seemed to get closer. One more look. It would all be better once I saw that moon again. If I could only glimpse at Blade again. And there he was, sitting in the railing, looking to nothing in particular, lost in thought. I closed the door, committing the scene to memory, probably one of the last pleasing sights I would witness. Blade didn’t tense as he hoped of the railing with cat-like grace. He turned and his brown eyes made me forget everything else.  
“You’re okay!” I yelled as I threw my arms around him in the most unladylike fashion, white tail forgotten. I blushed at the thought but didn’t let go. Proper manners weren’t my priority. He was safe, alive and unharmed. And in my arms.  
He tensed under my touch, going stiff as a board. I didn’t need to see his face to know his brow was furrowed and his eyes had turned into guns. His arms didn’t wrap around me, but I was okay with it. I could feel his heartbeat, his uneven breathing and that was more than enough. As I stayed this way, I realized there was something more to wonder. When I first came here, he was already in the balcony, perfectly calm. He was comfortable enough to read in this place, to light candles. He knew he was safe. How?   
The thought made me let go of him and look into his features. He seemed unnerved more than uncomfortable. I wondered when someone last hugged him. It clearly had been too long for he seemed to think the contact as something foreign. His eyes were observing me, calculating my strength and motives. I didn’t back down. We both had questions and I knew my behavior required an explanation. I was ready to give it. Patiently I waited as his features softened leaving just a clear hint of suspicion in his brown irises.   
“I’m sorry. That was weird thing to do.” I admitted with a sheepish smile. He nodded his agreement butt made no further movement. Was he scared? Of a hug? “I was worried about you.”  
“Why?” his voice was cold, icy even. It was then that I realized this was his method of protection. A cold demeanor to fend away those he didn’t consider worth his time. I wanted to be on the other side. I wanted him to consider me worth it.  
“I guess I finally realized how dangerous it can be to come here.” His look shifted to slight confusion but didn’t let go of its previous doubtfulness. “I mean, we are next to King Edmund’s chambers and haven’t exactly been quiet. We could be disturbing him and if the stories of his temper are true, I wouldn’t say taking revenge was beneath him.” I explained. I didn’t miss the slight hurt in his gaze nor did I understand it.  
“I don’t think he is that bad.” He said in a curt voice. “I thought you would know that rumors are merely a façade. You shouldn’t be so quick to judge.” I was surprised to hear him defending one of the sovereigns. He had always been so open to accepting their flawed personality. I thought of what he said. I knew rumors weren’t always true, but they came from somewhere. Surely, they couldn’t be made of pure lies.   
“I know they aren’t facts, but his reputation has to come from somewhere….” His anger and hurt had made me insecure of my answer. I didn’t want him to be upset. Much less because of me.  
“And his reputation is that of a man who would kill someone for disturbing his sleep? He is known to be dark and harsh but never to be violent towards his subjects.” His defensive demeanor surprised me. Where had I gone wrong? I, of course, knew all of this. It just seemed to me such actions would be a given from his shadowy personality. He was a fair ruler, or so said the Narnians but his wrath was to be feared by all.  
“No, of course not. I’m just worried that his illness might have made him more inclined towards this behavior. No one wishes to be bothered in their death bed.” I was trying to explain myself, tripping over my own words. I had made a mistake but how could I fix it if I didn’t understand it?  
“I thought your observations skills you were so kin on bragging about would have made you a better judge. I guess I was wrong. Let me know when you decide to have your own opinion and not a mix of everyone else’s.” His words stung, for they were true. I was putting myself in a pedestal of talent in deciphering people but had made a man that could very well be honorable a monster over stories told by strangers. He was walking away towards the door, betrayal radiating off him. That is when white fur tickled my memory.  
“Wait!” I screamed. He stopped but didn’t turn. I could see his attention wouldn’t stay on me for long, so I blurted out what was on my mind. “I was wrong about what I said of King Edmund, but you have to be careful. You told me one of the first nights that you shouldn’t be here just like me. I saw one of the guards out there and I do believe they followed me. I’m sorry if I hurt you but please, don’t put yourself at risk.”  
My pleas seemed to have the opposite effect of what I expected. He turned to look at me with a smirk. His eyes were still harsh, cutting through me like daggers, but some of the sardonic humor I had come to associate with him was back. “You saw a guard? How do you know it wasn’t someone sneaking in just like you?” his question made sense, but I had sensed the eyes on me, calculating, cold, menacing. It was either a guard or an attacker. I didn’t knew which was more terrifying.  
“Please Blade, I know you’re mad at me but listen. I don’t want you to get hurt. What I said about King Edmund was my fright for your safety speaking. I don’t necessarily think he would hurt you, but his siblings wouldn’t be happy about this either. What if they decided this was taking to much liberty and decided to punish you? I’m scared something will happen to you! Please don’t risk yourself.” I was begging. Outside this room I could never let myself do that. But here, I just wanted to be heard. His eyes softened at my words and only his lips pursed for a moment as a sign of annoyance. That went away too.  
“You shouldn’t boast accusations like that. Nor assume so much. I’m touched you were worried about me but that doesn’t justify your quick judgment. And that is something I just can’t stand. You can’t say those things without knowing a person.” His voice was till a bit hard. It was a warning. A clear one. I took it to heart. I didn’t want to cross his limits.  
“I know and I am sorry. I’m not saying that just so you will listen to me. Truth is I’m scared. I finally realized that someone might know we’re here and I don’t think that would just go unpunished. I mean this place is beautiful enough to guarantee some risks, but I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if something happened to you.” Opening my heart to him felt weird yet right. He wouldn’t hurt me with what he found out. And all I said was true. This was a real apology. I judged with rumors and let fear fester in me until everything had been distorted and turned into an apocalypse. This morning, when thinking of The Just King I hadn’t use such harshness. My paranoia was taking form in a man that had never wronged me.   
“Nothing is going to happen to me. I know what I’m doing and unlike you, I knew this dangers since day one. I still decided to come. Now is your turn to decide if you want to do that or find another place to spend your nights.” His anger seemed to have melted away and I couldn’t help but be surprised: with his closed-up attitude I always imagined he would hold grudges for long periods of time. Yet he was forgiving. I truly must stop myself from judging this way. I thought of what he said. Was the danger, the fear worth this perfect moments? I met his eyes shyly. They shone with wisdom and curiosity but underneath it all was a strong loneliness, a need to be validated. I smiled softly. We truly were alike.   
And getting to see that was worth anything else. If I knew he was safe, then I could only smile when thinking of this nights and this balcony.  
“It’s worth it.” I declared and saw a smile playing in his lips, trying to break his mask. He said no more as he walked to the railing and resumed his previous position staring into space. I smiled and followed suit. I was till scared but when he side-eyed me and smirked I knew everything would be okay. Not that I could be too cautious. “You know, I’m glad you’re not in danger but I did see a guard. It wasn’t just a Narnian sneaking around. I know what I saw.”  
He smiled tiredly at my warning. He seemed so exhausted today, more so that I had seen any other night. With a sigh he sat a bit straighter and looked at me. “You can come in. She already saw you.” His announcement confused me. Was the white fur his companion? Just as my mind brought a thousand possibilities a gorgeous white wolf pushed the door open with its muzzle. It had beautiful grey eyes that bore into me like a dagger to my heart. This animal clearly didn’t like me. I instinctively got closer to Blade in fear. This was, after all, a feral beast.  
He smirked and introduced us “Ariana, this is Myra. She’s not a guard. She’s actually a really close friend of mine who is a bit too obsessed with my security. She comes everywhere with me.” The wolf studied him carefully and at his slight nod the wolf turned back to me. Her eyes were calculating, cold. She evidently didn’t like me, but I would try my best to change that.  
“It’s nice to meet you.” I greeted with a smile. Myra didn’t seem to like that very much.   
“She’s a danger. She could tell someone.” She announced turning to her friend. I wanted to deny it, but she was right. I was a danger to Blade’s escapades.   
“She won’t tell anyone. If she was going to, she would already have. Right, Sunshine?” his interpellation of me took me by surprised but I nodded enthusiastically nonetheless. I just wished for the Narnian to stop looking at me that way. “Plus, I think I can decide who to trust by myself.”  
“Of course, you can.” Was there a slight whisper of fear and guilt in her voice? But it wasn’t fear of him. Rather of disappointing someone she truly respected. “I’m just saying that you know little about her and she could represent a threat.”  
“Myra, being here is a bigger threat than her. I decided to trust her. What else am I supposed to do with my friends?” His words melted my very soul. I was his friend. He recognized me by name and by the trust he decided to put on me. He truly believed I wouldn’t hurt him, and I swore to prove him right. I never wanted to harm him. In any way. I had a feeling he thought this way after last night but having the security of his voice announcing it felt like the strongest shield against insecurities.  
The Narnian did a head motion I could only interpret as an acquiescent earning her a smile. Yet, when she looked at me, I could see her clear distrust and even slight hatred. I had to prove myself to her. And as she was Blade’s friend I was wiling to do so. With a warning flash of her sharp canines she laid down next to the young man, protective.  
We stayed in silence for a moment as I, once again, tried to understand this odd and. Their King wasn’t guarded in his death bed when a possible enemy was on their doorstep. Who would do such a thing? Unless…  
No one at court had been allowed to King Edmund’s chambers recently and Queen Lucy hadn’t gone to him when feeling upset. This wasn’t normal. It was like he wasn’t even here. Was he already gone or had something worse happened? Did he leave with his troops? But why?  
Maybe I was just being paranoid…  
Maybe this kingdoms lies went further than I thought.  
“You seem worried.” The male was looking at me with a tired yet concerned expression. One a friend would wear. He took my silence as an answer. I had probably confirmed it with body language. I had never been good at hiding my emotions after all. “Want to talk about it?” his invitation was sweet, specially for someone like him, who enjoyed the silence and calm of life. I thought about it. I wanted to take this off my shoulders, but didn’t want him to be burdened as he was the only one, I would trust enough to confide in. This was his kingdom after all. It would be much worse for him. I wanted him to be calm and happy like he’d been yesterday. Again, the lack of answer was the better one. We fell into silence.  
I tried to forget all that was troubling me and enjoy this moment. I looked at the moon and the thousand stars illuminating the sky. I named a few of them to calm myself down: Sirius, Bellatrix, Lesath. Their names, so mystical, made this moment better. Everything was better now. I looked at Blade. My friend. The thrill of this was still to go away. His face was calm at first glance but when you looked closer you could see his lips turning slightly downwards. There were bags under his eyes and his eyebrows were a bit too close to his eyes in a clear sign of exhaustion. His eyes seemed empty. A clear sign of worry and tiredness. He looked miserable.  
“Things are going as great as they were yesterday?” I asked him, trying to sound lighthearted for I knew he wouldn’t appreciate the amount of concern I felt. He just seemed so human and breakable. He looked at me calmly but sighed upon realizing that wouldn’t be enough.  
“Nothing is bad if that is what you’re asking. I had a long day and realized things wouldn’t be as simple as they seemed yesterday.” He explained and I was grateful he’d given me even a bit of an answer in his cryptic way.   
“Can I help?” I asked even knowing the answer would most likely be no.  
“Not really.” To some the silence that reigned us would make it seem like the previous night’s improvement was gone but it wasn’t like that. This was silence but it was that of two person’s letting one another see they were human in their pain. I never thought I would get there with him. I was starting to zone out, tired after the emotional charge of the day and considering leaving for the night when he dropped off his perch.  
“Come on.” He said walking towards the door. For a moment I thought he was talking to Myra but when he turned to look at me expectantly, I realized he meant me.  
“Where?” I asked, slightly reluctant. I trusted him but this was odd, and I couldn’t quite understand.  
“Well, we’re both really stressed out and I thought we could use some help. Come on, I promise you’ll like it.” He smiled encouragingly at me and I returned the gesture. He wanted to help and even if I didn’t quite understand what he had in mind I wanted to see the beauty awaiting on the other side of this risk. I followed him as we left the room towards the silence corridors.  
He took us through several halls until we reached a tapestry that seemed irrelevant to me. yet he stopped us in front of it. I tried to look for some kind of hidden message in the represented image that would justify this trip, but I couldn’t. It was simply the image of a young boy holding an apple.  
“Are you planning on staring much longer?” his mocking tone snapped me out of my over analysis of the piece in front of me. Was there more? I mean, he hadn’t moved so this was where he was taking me. What did he want? Sensing my confusion, he smirked and lifted the side of the tapestry, revealing a wooden door. He was taking me through the secret passageways! No guest should ever know where this were and even if wouldn’t be able to find my way back here this was a huge gesture. Myra, of course, noticed it to and made her displeasure known with a grunt.  
I followed though the door, the thrill of knowing this was forbidden making me smile broadly. There was no illumination and as I wondered how I was supposed to follow he took hold of my wrist to guide. It wasn’t intimal contact, more like a convenient method but I still felt myself blush. His hand was warm and calloused and I could tell he was taking smaller steps to accommodate me. I found myself smiling. Eventually we came to better lit hallways, but he didn’t let go like I thought he would. Something erupted in my stomach at the thought. Maybe it was still practical to him, but it suddenly felt much more personal.


	7. Chapter 7

The passageways were narrow and the few torches that illuminated them were far in between. It seemed like I was walking into a mystery, a hidden treasure. Blade didn’t seem to notice any of this, used to the ambience. Even so, he slowed down to let me bathe in the feeling. He didn’t even need to turn to know I wanted to take a moment. When did he get to know me so well? Why was I blushing at the idea? I didn’t like Blade, did I?  
For the first time I imagined this visit as a different fairy tale. Instead of a King taking a low Lady as his bride I saw the same low Lady leaving behind titles and riches to follow a stable boy towards adventure. I didn’t matter that I couldn’t accurately say what Blade’s job was, the story was slowly forming in my mind. The places he’d take me to see just like now. The sleepless nights…  
My god, I had truly fallen for this man, hadn’t I? Once, a friend had told me I took less than half an hour to become infatuated with a person. It seemed right even in how ridiculous this all felt. I didn’t even know his name! yet a love story had already been created in my mind. Why was I so ridiculous?   
While thinking this I found myself almost skipping and running ahead my guide. When he grinned sardonically at me, I realized I needed to slow down. We walked side by side for a moment, not talking. It didn’t matter. I liked watching him. His hair seemed to take a slightly ginger touch in the fire flame, making me realize his hair was probably brown and not black. I suddenly wished for daylight to be able to see every detail in him and mark it in my memory. He was gorgeous in the shadows, but I was sure that wouldn’t change in the light.  
My mind finally caught up with the meaning of this and I ducked my head and fell a pace behind him, hoping he wouldn’t notice. Even if I knew that was probably ridiculous. He was much to perceptive and I was much too obvious. He didn’t comment on it which I was glad for. How did I not realize my feelings with the giddiness this morning or how easily he could break my heart?  
As my steps slowed even more, I heard Myra growl on my back. It was the first time I realized she had followed us. Her eyes shone with aggressiveness. She clearly didn’t like me, and even more obviously she despised the attention her friend was gifting me with. I swallowed with difficulty when her canines shone orange in the dim light and started walking again. The wolf was a good friend of Blade, but she still scared me. I knew of her intelligence but couldn’t stop thinking of her as a feral beast.  
The young man was looking at the exchange with slightly furrowed brows and shot the Narnian a warning look. He was protecting me which made me smile like a fool. After this brief action he took to leading us again. I knew of the size of the palace and knew that secret passageways usually took long turns to keep hidden but I was still surprised by how long this was turning to be. We’d been here for at least half an hour, surrounded by slightly humid walls. Not that it wasn’t taken care of. This was clearly frequented place. It was strange to think there was no staff rounding this zone. The ball must’ve still been in full swing, servants weren’t asleep, yet no sound came. No voices could be heard.  
“How come there’s no one here?” I asked in a whisper. I was starting to realize how easy it was to spook me and felt slightly embarrassed. The confused look my companions gave me only made me more uncomfortable and I felt like I needed to justify myself. “I mean, it’s still early and there’s a ball happening. I would have thought the passageways would be full of servants.” Blade’s smile wasn’t condescending unlike Myra’s eyes. He seemed more amused and understanding of where confusion could come from.  
“This aren’t service passageways.” He explained. “They were built for security. Almost no one knows of them. The service passageways are a whole other net. So, unless a royal guard or one of the Kings and Queens decide to take a stroll down a zone that is supposed to be only for emergencies, we’re good.”  
It made sense. A security system not even the staff would know of. That way even an infiltrate couldn’t trap the royals in the castle. It was a smart military move. But it didn’t explain how Blade knew of this place. His stories had made it clear he was a soldier but if he was part of the royal guard he should be at the balls and would certainly look more presentable. His behavior also ruled out the possibility of him being a noble. Especially one of enough status to know of this hallways.   
I considered the idea of him having been part of the royal guard and having been diminished but that made little sense. No monarch would let someone with such secret information leave so freely. Plus, he seemed far too young to have achieved such exploit and have lost it. Sure, he said he’d known war since he was only ten, but no monarch would put a child in such a position.  
“How come you know about this place?” I questions and I felt him tense ever so slightly. It wasn’t visible in his shoulders or the energy radiation off him but his fingers in my wrists tightened for a millisecond. He hid his emotions well, but he was clearly unused to doing so while maintaining physical contact. A lonely man. His footsteps stopped and he let go of my wrist, but it seemed like a sign of attention more than one of tension. He was good at hiding and I hoped he would one day stop.  
I thought of taking back my question but quickly realized something. I wanted to respect him and his limits but if this was to be a friendship, he needed to let some of his walls down. It was a two-person job. If, however, decided not to answer I wouldn’t push. I would still let him know of my curiosity. I couldn’t treat him like he was made of glass and any enquiry would destroy him.  
Myra, on the other hand, made standing my ground much more difficult. I had clearly stumbled on a secret for her neck fur had stuck up and her fangs were showing. She was ready to attack me for even gracing the subject. My will to befriend the creature was slowly leaving me, replaced by genuine fear. She wouldn’t hesitate to hurt me to protect Blade.  
“Let’s just say that you made a mistake when judging me.” His words took away my breath as I turned quickly away from the animal. I had been caught up in staying vigilant of the female and forgot he was still there, a safe place.   
“I seem to be doing that a lot.” I answer guiltily. And it was true. Even if I didn’t know what he meant it clearly had to do with prejudice. Was he truly a royal guard? Or maybe a spy? Who was he? I needed to know. “How do you know about this place?” I repeated my question instead, afraid of going to far too fast. And immediately regretted it. I had just agreed with myself to not treat him like he was made of glass. And I was doing just that.  
“I’m actually quite close to the monarchs.” He said with a small smirk, but his eyes spoke of a bit of guilt. Was it for not telling me? For diminishing his bond to the Kings and Queens? He seemed to do that a lot. Mention circumstances as thought their impact was small to keep secrets. And then what he said caught up to me. He had met the rulers of this country, even considered himself part of his friends. Which he must be to know of this secret.   
“You’re a noble?” I exclaimed, highly surprised. It made sense, after all no person of their status would be so close to a commoner. It explained so much. How he knew of the Queen’s couches, how he could talk so of their personalities and how insulted he’d felt when I insulted his friend, King Edmund.  
“I thought we agreed on no titles.” His sardonic behavior was back, a way to deflect the weight of this conversation. A defense mechanism. He seemed to have a lot of those. I wondered who’s hurt him so badly. And wished them a painful death. Even so, I let him stir the discussion to a lighter tone.  
“That’s not a no” The teasing was back. No matter, I still took his last statement as affirmation of my suspicion.  
“It’s also not a yes.” I had to admit his victory. He confused me again. I was back to square one. I tried to convey my annoyance through a glare, but my mouth betrayed me by lifting into a smile. He laughed slightly at it. A chuckle, not a full-on laugh like the night before. Such a shame.  
He took to guiding me again, this time without holding me. I wished he would do so again.  
It took another fifteen minutes to reach our destination a small drain like exit. This was, of course, a disguise. The exit was too high to be for trash and no pathway around had any kind of waist. The bars were also easy to move as he proved by shifting their lower side to create an opening.  
“After you.” He announced with an ever so slightly mocking bow. I smiled with joyous annoyance at his action before passing through the makeshift door. Even with the modification that had been made to make this more suitable for passage it was still uncomfortably tight. When I had crossed, I was impressed to find myself in the beach. The terrace was in the higher zones of the building and now I was at the bottom not having realized we had gone so low. We were even down the cliff!  
I was standing in what I could tell was warm sand even through my slippers. In front of me were a couple of meters of sands before trees started to make their appearance. It was the entrance to Western Woods. Behind me was the cliff. The palace was quite a way further in the earthly barrier. No wonder it took us so long to reach this place.   
He followed after me and after a swift “Come on, I still want to show you something” continued to guide me. We waked to the right, distancing ourselves from the woods and the mysterious exit. His steps were slow, calm. I followed his example and took a deep breath. The salt of the ocean tickled my nostrils and filled me with peace. My stress washed away easily and the weight of the ambience I had mention some nights ago seemed to have lifted, leaving a bubble of serenity behind.  
I suddenly didn’t care about much but enjoying this moment, feeling human and alive in the simplicity of it all. As we neared the edge of the water the lights from the castle became more present and the slightest whispers of music from the ballroom could be heard. A small company to three lonely figures standing in the sand. The perfect accent to this experience. We strolled ever closer to the sea. I had been at sea often during my life, but the waters looked different now. Their gorgeous turquoise color was replaced by an infinite dark blue expanse. And in the navy landscape the white foam crashed, destroying the mirror that was the salted water.  
The percussion of its collision with the sand created the perfect complement of the high pitches of the flutes coming from the castle. Speaking of which I took a small glance back to it. The marble, towering building looked even bigger from beneath the cliff. A true testament of power and magic. Some balconies looked towards our direction but only one caught my eye. It seemed to come from the ballroom if the lights were anything to go by. It had the perfect view of us for anyone that decided to look. And I didn’t care.  
Blade was safe. Why worry about being seen if he wasn’t scared himself?  
The enormous serenity that took my spirit as I realized this made this moment precious. This walk was suddenly much too good to ever stop.  
“Don’t show me.” I sated looking towards my friend. He stopped for a second to study me. I knew I hadn’t been too clear, but I hoped his intuition would do the rest. “The place you wanted to show me. Don’t. Let’s just walk. No secret destination today.” I explained. His brows furrowed in confusion, but he was smiling with a bit of surprise. No anger nor disappointment. Just surprise.  
“Alright… No secret destination today.” He agreed with the same expression, making me beam at him. Truly, the smallest gesture from him could make me melt.  
I took a longer stride to catch up with him and walk by his side. He didn’t need to guide, not anymore. I could be opening the pace and it wouldn’t change how aimless we were being. It was, not doubt with that thought that I took his hand and dragged him along with me. His startled exclamation was drowned in my laughter as I ran for the first time since my childhood.   
He would’ve been able to take control back with his bigger strength and longer legs, but he made no attempt, letting me take him in a childish run through the beach. I, myself, found it amusing and liberating. I was laughing like I hadn’t in years because at that moment I wasn’t Lady Maucin, I was Ariana a young and quite stupid child enjoying her time with great company. Without letting go of him, I started twirling, taking him for a vertiginous ride that almost made him trip. Thankfully he didn’t and instead ended up having to bring me closer to him and take my other hand to avoid such incidents.  
I boomed with laughter at his actions, throwing my head back and letting our impulse guide us for a couple of milliseconds. I was ecstatic with the juvenile act and found only more joy when a velvet like burst of laughter joined mine. I looked up to see Blade’s eyes glinting with the light of youth, of carefreeness. I smiled more if it was even possible and laughed harder.  
Apparently, a part of my actions must’ve been seen as a challenge for he was suddenly taking control, spinning us so much faster, leaving me more a pivot than a motor. I stopped moving my feet and just let him drag me through the sand, letting my weight fall back, knowing he had me. He was laughing like a child and so was I.  
We were pure joy in the perimeter our rotations defined.  
Eventually the dizziness and inertia were too much for me and I found myself tumbling to the ground, falling on top of my friend with a sight ‘humph’. I had, of course, taken him down with me, not that it stopped our giggles. We had let go of each other’s hands but with me lying perpendicular to him with my stomach on his no contact had truly been lost.   
I could feel his stomach vibrating with each inhalation tainted by his laugh which only spurred my own uncontrolled giggles. I hardly cared that my face was basically plastered to the sand or that my dress was no doubt damaged. I was having fun. Doing something I wanted to do.  
Finally, we calmed ourselves slightly. As my breathing became deeper and more regular, I heard him say “I don’t think this counts as walking.” Which brought the second round of thunderous exclamations of joy.  
It took calming myself from this to realize what position I was in. I was lying on top of a man! Worse of all a man I felt romantically towards. I quickly sat straight and took a slight distance, blushing to my ears in shame. He was still in the sand, oblivious to my discomfort as he took several deep breaths before going limb, fully relaxed for the first time since I met him. I shortly wondered if he was asleep only for a chuckle like exhale to break that image. He was just resting. And he was doing so happily. I smiled once more, deciding that the shame I had just felt was worth seeing him this way.  
He seemed so much younger than ever before and if I thought last night had brought sparks to his eyes, this moment showed me he’d still been sober in that moment. His face was completely lax now with only his slight smile to make his cheeks and jawline a bit more notorious. Sand was in his messy hair and even in his face. The moonlight was more intense here than in the balcony letting me see the slightest freckle marks in his face. His head was tilted backwards, showing the length of his neck and the protuberance of his Adam apple. There were a couple of scars in the white skin there, one specifically continued to his shoulder and hid beneath his tunic. The smallest flicker of his chest could be seen through the holes in the disarrayed clothes.   
He was a true piece of art.  
“Thank you for that.” He said bringing my attention back to his face, and even more his beautiful lips. “I haven’t laughed that way since my dad left. I forgot how it felt.” An absent father. It explained so much about him. And yet it explained so very little.  
“I haven’t done it in years either. A proper Lady shouldn’t run.” I recited the last part making my best impression of my governess’ voice. I was pretty sure I’d done a terrible job at imitating the old hag but, he still snorted loudly.  
“Just one more reason to forget titles.” He affirmed making me roll my eyes playfully for what felt like the thousandth time. We stayed this way for some time, just enjoying this night. “You know, when I first came here there were so many things I wanted to do. But others told me what they told you. That it wasn’t my place to do those things.” He admitted, constructing on the idea he was a noble. And for the first time something we had in common had been admitted. It felt like a milestone.  
“Well, we could do a couple of them” I proposed smiling. He immediately sat up straighter and looked at me with an alien expression. “It’s just us. Why not do those things?” He studied me a bit longer, almost like he was calculating the danger I posed. It seemed a little ridiculous to me. Usually, when people told you it wasn’t your place to do something, the action was pretty harmless.  
“I guess… I mean, they’re kind of silly. I was ten years old.” He wasn’t afraid of doing something dangerous, he was terrified of being judged. Why did I find that so adorable?  
“It doesn’t matter. Let’s do them, enjoy them. Even if we are ten years too late.” My reassurance seemed to work as he was now standing and offering me his hand to get up. “So, what are we doing?”  
“We’re doing some more running, with a bit of splashing around. I’d say swimming but since you don’t know how to I guess we’ll skip that.” He answered guiding us closer to the shore.  
“You want to go in the sea?” my voice was a bit cautious. I really had never learned to float and was thought from a young age to beware of the huge blue.  
“It’s okay. The first few meter are too shallow for you to be in any risk. Plus, if something happened the mermaids would get you out.” His expression was calming but when he still read doubt in mine, he stopped and looked at me seriously. “You don’t have to do it if you don’t want to. I won’t judge you or be upset.”   
I knew he was being honest, and I was scared. But most of all I wanted to see the beauty on the other side of this danger. I wanted to see him smile that way again and that was worth the risk. “Let’s do it”  
He looked at me, astonished but slowly his expression turned into gratitude and joy. His eyes showed the ten-year-old that had fantasied about the waves. A part of him was still very much that of a child whose youth had been stolen. Without loosing that glow in his face, he bent down to take of hiss boots, untying them in the precise movements of a soldier. I followed his example, leaving my fancy slippers next to his worn-out shoe-wear.   
I was enticed by the contrast of that view and didn’t notice him taking his shirt off until he folded it next to our belongings. Instantly fire burned in my cheeks. Here I was, alone, in a beach with a half-naked men that looked like the statue of a god in the moonlight. His chest was chiseled to perfection and the nasty scars that covered his torso only made it much more attractive. I wanted to run my fingers through each mark life had left in him. I sucked my head, embarrassed. What was I even thinking?  
If he noticed how uncomfortable yet excited I was, he didn’t acknowledge it which I was glad for. I knew the water would damage the clothing and he’d done this purely for comfort and for the sake of keeping what he had in decent conditions, but it all seemed so intimate. And I wanted more of that intimacy that I feared so much. I thought of how wrong what I was about to do was but convinced myself that it was for the sake of keeping this a secret. How was I supposed to explain the sand in my dress after all?  
“Help me out of the dress’” I proposed, feeling like I was on fire. Was I going too fast? No, this was a childish activity, there was nothing romantic about how his long fingers did quick work of the lace in my back, freeing the dress.  
I slipped out of the heavy garment and was left in only a light underdress. I knew I should have felt exposed but when he didn’t react by looking at my body with lust, I just felt free. This was happening amongst friend and how I felt didn’t change that this night was all about getting our childhood back. It wasn’t like my clothing was that revealing, it was a looser version of my dress which skirt only reached my knees. It wasn’t like my cleavage was showing either. Sure, it was new to let someone other than my family see my legs, but I had gone to river shores with my brother and ended up in the same gear. I’d be fine.  
Blade smiled at me. And sprinted to the sea.  
I laughed as I approached much slower. I was scared but seeing him just letting himself fall on his back with no fear of the waves calmed me down, letting me see there could be joy in the expanse of the ocean. I was still cautious as I neared and let the waves caress my fingers. It felt amazing, like the lightest tickles. As the water returned to its source however, I felt a small rush of adrenaline as I took the sand I was standing in, with it. It didn’t make me loose my balance in any way, but my fear was still present. I took me a couple of minutes of just standing to realize there was no danger and start to enjoy the experience.  
While I did my slow introduction to the sea, Blade had taken to going deeper into the ocean and swimming for a while. I was mesmerized, not only did he not seem fazed by the waves that moved him along with them but his hair, wet as it was, was both sticking to his face and flying off as he moved his head to take air. He was so beautiful it took my breath away.  
When he noticed I was a bit more confident he came back closer to the shore and stood up. He was soaking wet and smiling from ear to ear. He took my hands and started to slowly guide me deeper into the water. Soon I was knee deep and the feeling of the sand moving beneath my toes was gone. My legs were being caressed softly, lovingly. I laughed a little letting go of some of my fear and let him show me the beauty this held. He pulled me down letting the next wave lift me slightly of my feet, like I was floating and my lips taste salt. I yelped loudly, terrified but after the few seconds it lasted for, I saw myself once again unharmed and hysterically chuckled.  
“See, you don’t need to be scared. I promise, nothing bad is gonna happen.” He comforted me while another wave made us float for just a second. It took some time but eventually I believed him. This was actually quite fun, simple but fun. He started to let go of my hands and I froe, grabbing him in a death grip.  
“Don’t let go.” I begged, not ready to let my safety leave me. I was getting more confident but still needed the reassurance of his hands in mine.  
“Ok. Just close your eyes. You’ll like it.” He agreed. With my heart still beating for thinking he would let go I obeyed. I felt his start moving us through the waves. He kept us on the shallow terrain but now the waves weren’t the only force moving us. We glided through the water and I started laughing uncontrollably. It felt like such freedom, like I would take flight any seconds. I understood his love for water and wished I could stay longer so he’d teach me how to swim.   
When I shivered from the cold, he guided me out of the water and I instantly missed the feeling. I had just learned something new: I loved the ocean. As I exited the water, I realized I was soaking wet from head to toe and also that sand had come with water and dusted my body. It created a slightly itching feeling that I didn’t quite appreciate. My body still felt like it was being rocked by the waves and that I knew I liked.  
We took a couple of steps to distance ourselves from the big blue and sat down. The warm beneath us was warm from a day in the sun and with the hot breeze all around us we were drying up in no time. I still got closer to him to feel his heat and chase away the last of the cold. He let me, not tensing under the contact for the first time since I met him. My ra came from behind us and laid down on our backs, warming our wet bodies with her fur. We stayed that way, taking long, relaxing breaths and enjoying the music of the tide.  
“Thank you.” He finally said, looking at me with shining eyes. Happy eyes. “I know that was hard for you. Thank you. You were truly brave.” His compliment made me turn red and even if I appreciated what he said, I couldn’t help but bring teasing back into the conversation.  
“I wouldn’t say brave. I was shivering the entire time and I’ve never screamed as loudly as I did when that fish brushed my leg.” I answered, a smirk coloring my voice. His laughter boomed next to me making it all worth it. The conversation was over. We had said what needed to be said.  
Almost subconsciously I laid my head in his shoulder. He let me do so, calmly. Didn’t respond but I knew how much the relaxation of his body at all moment meant. Was it really this same night that he had gone stiff for a hug? I realized something in that moment: he didn’t truly mind physical contact, he minded the idea of someone taking down his barriers. And I had manage to do that in only a couple of nights.  
“You know what I love about being here?” he asked with a calm voice. No sign of the earlier stress was left in him. “I can just look back at the castle and it looks so small. Ike, only a couple of lights in the distance. It makes all my problems seem smaller.” I looked back to Cair Paravel to realize we were much further away that I had initially thought. The sea movement must’ve helped us get here faster. He was right, from here the castle looked small, insignificant and all the stress that came with it seemed distant as well.  
“This was your secret spot all along!” I accused playfully, finally realizing that he’d found a way to give me peace even in our juvenile games.   
“It is. I knew you’d like to see things become so small.” He explained with a sly smirk that hid his joy and peaceful state rather poorly. And he was right. I liked feeling free form all I heard this morning. But I couldn’t let it go. It would fester in me tomorrow if I didn’t get answers and would make everything turn darker like my opinion of King Edmund had today.  
“Blade?” he hummed in response. I sat up straighter, a silent sign that what I was about to say was serious. He gave me his full attention immediately. “You said you are friends with the Kings and Queens. Do you think… Do you think King Edmund could’ve seen enemies where there weren’t because of his illness?” I asked, wishing I didn’t need to add this weight to his shoulders. His brow furrowed, almost like he was wondering ow much I knew instead of just giving an answer.  
“What did you hear?” he asked gently but with some suspicion. Myra had tensed behind us, she seemed ready to attack me. To me this was proof. There was an enemy close to us. Did he already know? Should I tell him what I found out. The wolf’s presence made me want to say no. that I was in enough trouble as it was. But his eyes stayed genuine, dark in the starlit night. Honest and trusting. He wouldn’t hurt me for the knowledge I acquired.  
“I heard King Peter talking to one of his generals this morning. They were talking about how this could be a dangerous time because King Edmund had suspected one of their closest allies of wanting to betray them. He didn’t seem to think it was real, or maybe he just didn’t want to. It scares, to think I might be in danger for coming here.” The confession took the world’s weight off my shoulders. I studied his face for any signals of shock but there were none. Instead a tight and somehow sad smiled graced his lips.  
“The threat King Edmund saw is real. But unlike what you are more probably thinking it’s not from another country. Narnia has been in relative peace for ten years but there are still some creatures that think the white witch should still be ruling. Years ago, King Edmund pardoned a number of the witch’s followers for they didn’t believe in her. Or so he thought. The creatures became part of the society, a lot of them joining the army. A battalion of black dwarves and minotaur especially gained fame and trust from all around for their service to the throne. They became some of the Kings and Queens most trusted allies. A couple of months ago, King Edmund realized that it was façade, they were planning a complot to kill the siblings. King Peter didn’t want to believe it. It cased quite a rift between them.  
“So yes, the threat is real, but it won’t get to you. King Edmunds troops, those he knows he can trust more than anyone else went to Wester Woods to stop the battalion of coming back to the castle. They won’t get here.” He explained. I was amazed at how much he knew of the situation but most of ll I was astonished he would trust me with such delicate information face to face. It made sense. None of the kingdoms looked suspicious because none of them were planning an attack. The ally that was mentioned was a part of their army, turned against them. And the missing troops were a measure a monarch had taken to avoid further damage done to the capital. All the pieces fell into place. This was, after all, the problem of ruling with more than one sovereign: they could disagree and create the confusion I had seen this morning.  
“Thank you for telling me. I know this information must be extremely classified.” I said, meaning every word.  
“You already knew most of it and if you asked the right questions to some people at the court you would’ve been able to discover the rest.” He was trying to lessen the impact of what he’d done. He wasn’t comfortable with realizing the trust he’d put in me, in this strange bond we shared. Not yet. But I swore I would make him be comfortable with it.  
Whatever it was. Whatever it could become.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forgot to post this chapter when I wrote it on this site so I'm uploading it now with the next chapter.  
> Sorry!

Silence followed. An eternal and perfect reminder that all could be said in few words. Eventually, my head found a place in his shoulder once again. His complexion was so thin and jawline so prominent I had imagined it would be quite bony felling but that wasn’t true. His lean muscles covered him, giving me a firm but comfortable cushion. He gave no reaction to my actions, keeping himself busy by picking the sand, grain by grain. Myra hadn’t moved from her position on our backs, her massive form giving our backs some support.   
The ocean continued it’s serenate, becoming more violent the more we stayed. I might have found a new appreciation to the element but wasn’t looking forward to having to enter its chaos to go back. Which I realized we might need to do. The moon was lowering in the sky, showing the late or early it had become, depending on how you looked at it. I knew I had to say something but lacked the will to do so. I just wanted five more minutes of the music of peaceful breathing and tides. Of the feeling of sand cooling under me even as the breeze kept us warm. Of the smell of salt, metal, woods and sweat.  
I realized I was smelling Blade and would’ve blushed except I was transfixed by how real it was. So human and unpolished. It was unlike anything you would find at the court and I loved it. I wanted to have it all around me with the delicate and grotesque notes it contained. Deciding this wasn’t a fairytale I shuffled a little, getting more comfortable. What I was living couldn’t be found in a storybook because it was too real. We weren’t perfect and our adventure would, no doubt, bring us many problems that couldn’t be solved with a true love kiss. It was authentic, unimaginably palpable. Better in every sense.  
“Is it a long way back to the castle?” I asked, knowing this wouldn’t bring any determination to join action to words.   
“About an hour and then another forty-five minutes to go back to the terrace.” His lax voice when announcing what would become our itinerary told me he wished to go just as little as I did.  
“I don’t want to go back.” My admission was obvious and unnecessary, but I wanted to say what I felt. Know that what I thought would be listened to.  
“Me neither.” He added as the young boyish person I had seen in the past few hours but then the adult in him showed as he continued. “But your father would have a heart attack if you went missing again.”  
“True.” I conceded but still made no move to get up. It wasn’t quite laziness even if a bit of it had crawled into me in the last few hours. It was the denial of breaking all that had happened, a certain adoration to what I was living.  
“Come on. As nice as this is, I have things to do after taking you back, so we better get moving.” Announced Blade standing up and thus displacing my head from his comfortable shoulder. I scowled lightly at him to make him know I didn’t enjoy the interruption but stood, nonetheless. Fearfully, I expected him to lead un back into the sea but instead he was walking in the sand. I sighed, relieved. The tide was looking rather aggressive.  
I walked by his side, following his indications and letting the quiet keep us company. It seemed to take forever until the palace was a defined structure once again. I realized then that the ball had ended, and no light shone through the windows. It was truly late. I would no doubt be exhausted tomorrow. But I knew deep inside myself that I would never trade sleep for the hours that had just passed. Not when I was able to her him laugh that way and saw him making one of his dreams come true. This beauty was worth any danger.  
“What does swimming feel like?” I questioned, wishing to at least have an image of what seemed like a gorgeous activity.  
“It’s a bit strange. I mean water is denser than air so if you are not going fast you can feel kind of sluggish but at the same time you don’t feel your body weight which helps feel free. And when you swim it feels like you are going so fast and you could move mountains even when your lungs are just screaming for oxygen.” His explanation was a bit confusing, but I understood that could be normal. When you are used to a feeling and are asked to describe it it’s hard to find something other than it feels like doing it.   
“I would love to stay longer and learn.” I confessed, almost hoping for him to tell me that he’d teach me in what little time I had here.  
“You can learn at home too.” He said and I felt like he had just taken some of the magic of my wish way. I wanted him to teach me just as much as I wanted to learn. I wanted it to become our thing. To simply have a thing. But he was right in a practical way. It made me doubt.  
During our time at the beach I had thought maybe he felt like me. He had let me cuddle with him, had wanted to show me the beauty of what I had yet to experience and had even comforted me by taking me to a personal place. He had gotten mad at his friend when she acted hostile towards me. It truly felt like he was infatuated with me. But now, it seemed like practicality was all he could think of. Why must he be so confusing? Or maybe I was reading too far into simple things.  
I stayed silent, not wanting him to disrupt my thoughts any longer. It felt like, with him, his personality and reactions would be as aleatory as the flip of a coin. One day he was sweet, kind and even a little goofy. The next one he was cold and reserved, pushing you away before you got a chance to get close. I just wished for some stability. To know what to expect.  
We finally returned to our clothes, marking the end of our expedition quite clearly. I didn’t want it to end. Had I misused the last moments by not talking to him? I could always wander later, but his presence was intermittent, and I should make the most of it. But then again, silence felt natural among us. He wasn’t a big talker so this lulls in conversation were part of our norm. One I didn’t mind as much.  
He put his tunic and boots on easily but took the time to carefully redo the lacing on the back of my dress. He brushed me down some but still felt he needed to comment. “I hope your handmaiden is discreet because we won’t be able to erase all traces of the beach from you.” He declared and suddenly some fear crawled its way into my chest. Maria was usually quite discreet but her love for gossip was no secret. Plus, even if she was my friend she would have to report to my father. Specially with something as conspicuous as me being covered in sand after I claimed I was unwell and retired early. “I’m taking that is a no.” he continued upon seeing my expression. His eyes darkened slightly, and his brows furrowed. I could feel the concern radiating off him as he tried to come up with some solution.  
“I knew this was a bad idea. She’s going to be discovered and tracked back to us. If they catch you coming back in here…” Myra growled. Coming here had been Blade’s idea but it was clear she put the blame on me. I could see how protective she was of him but still felt quite offended that she would use me as a target for her anger. It was true none of us had really thought of this, of how to hide this time. I couldn’t believe I had forgotten after how paranoid I had been all day.  
“I know.” He interrupted her and she immediately stopped. His voice hadn’t raised in the slightest, but it was glacial, like an ice dagger cutting through all the objections. If he were anyone else, he probably would have taken his hands to his face and rubbed his eyes and nose in frustration, but his body language was too repressed to do that. His change in facial expression already said a lot about how concerned he felt.  
“I could tell I fell in one of the courtyards. I told everyone I was feeling unwell, so if I had tripped and thus ended up covered in sand…” I proposed, trying to think of a solution to our predicament.  
“You don’t have any scraps so it wouldn’t be believable. Plus, when we got into the ocean sand must’ve stuck to all your body, including parts that can’t be explained by tripping.” As he said this, he looked from head to toe in an inspecting manner that made me blush, nonetheless. “No, we need to get you cleaned up. We can blame the sand in the dress on the ocean breeze. The wind was strong tonight and, in this season, often carries sand with it.” I nodded. His explanation made sense and I forced myself to memorize this information. Still, the problem of where I could wash up preserved. I couldn’t do it in my rooms: Maria would undoubtedly hear. “Come on. I know where you can get cleaned.” Announced Blade. The confused look Myra gave him reassured me. She, who had clearly been in the castle before, didn’t know what was happening either.  
Blade took us closer to the castle but didn’t go in the direction of the passageway we had used. He instead guided up to the mountain side through a narrow path and all the way to the training grounds. I had, by this point, no doubt this young man had perfect knowledge of the castle. He must have had time to explore it. He kept going but didn’t enter the palace. Instead, he bordered it until we were in the soldier’s quarters. I looked at him questioningly, but he didn’t even glance in my direction, too busy scanning the zone for guards. Satisfied when he saw the patrol officers too busy talking to take in their surroundings he walked again.   
Blade took us to a small stone building on the side of the quarters. “This is the communal bath. It’s always empty at this hour. Do quick work. I’ll stand guard.” He announced, settling in a shadow near the entrance. I nodded and after he helped me undo my dress once again, I entered. The space was small with only a big pool-like basin in the center. I quickly shed my clothing and cleaned. Blade was right, my entire body was covered in sand. Once I was satisfied with the result, I put my garments back on and exited. It had taken only a couple of minutes.  
The two friends saw me and nodded then started walking again. We came across a wall that seemed like all others, but when blade pushed a pillar sideways a narrow entrance was revealed. Another passageway I shouldn’t know existed.  
“It’s almost dawn. We need to leave. I’ll take her to her rooms. You go get what you need.” Said Myra to her companion. I could see her slight hesitance in being the one to outer a command. It was clear to me she respected Blade greatly and was used to attending him. He truly must be a noble, and a men of high status if the Narnian was so submissive to him. Blade gave his approval in the form of a nod and took a turn in the next corridor, leaving us to keep going straight. The moment he left, without a single word of goodbye, I tensed up. Myra hated me. She had made that clear during the night and my only protection had just left. I was at a wolf’s mercy.  
“He really likes you.” Her voice, laced with venom, surprised me. I had expected her to be silent. Cold. I thought of her words. Blade’s behavior today truly showed his friendship with me. And I hope I wasn’t wrong interpreting it as something more. “I don’t see why. You have nothing special if you ask me. But you make him happy and for that I’m thankful.” Her condescending behavior angered me, but I didn’t dare respond to such an imposing animal.   
We walked for some more time in silence until she stopped in one of the exits. “This will take you to the hall where all of Anu’s visitors are staying. I believe you can find your way from here.” I nodded and turned but was stopped by the she-wolf’s body. “I want to make something clear. You do anything that would compromise him or hurt him in any way, and I will kill you. I won’t be sorry to do it either.” Her words and their meaning felt like lead in my stomach. Of course, I already knew I didn’t want to hurt him but to know she would take my mistakes to such extent was terrifying. I nodded dumbly and she moved. “Do not insult my King.” She warned again. She must have heard what I said about King Edmund. I felt so embarrassed. I truly had no right to judge him the way I had. I lowered my head and exited promptly. I didn’t want to feel anymore fear.  
Despite the threat looming over my head and my worry over it, the moment I entered my chambers and touched my bed I was asleep, feeling like the ocean was still rocking me.  
Waking up the next morning was hellish. My muscles were sore from the exertion they were put through yesterday and I had barely slept more than two hours. I was, unsurprisingly, groggy and slightly weakened. My father had knocked on my door, taking me away from my delicious slumber. I merely doted a robe before calling my permission for his entrance.  
“Ariana, my goodness. You certainly look ill. I’m sorry for not coming to you last night, I didn’t want to wake you.” Lord Maucin words were kind and perhaps due to my tiredness made me want to cry. I realized how well this worked on my favor: all the symptoms that came from last night could be explain with a simple bug.   
“It’s alright, Father. I hope you enjoyed you evening.” I consoled, taking some of the guilt off his shoulders.  
“I did, but that is unimportant. Get some more rest my child. Hopefully, you’ll feel better when you wake up. I’ll have some food brought.” His sweet concern warmed my insides. Our recent disagreement was still fresh but his care for me had not diminished. I was glad beyond belief. I acquiesced to his petition and went back to bed; glad I could get more sleep. As I was about to lay in the soft mat, Maria walked in and excused profoundly for not seeing me come in during the night and not tending to me. She helped me out of the heavy dress and into a light nightgown.  
I woke a few hours later feeling much better. I took the food from the platter in my bedtable and ate some. With this I truly felt like I had revived.  
“My Lady, I’m glad you’re awake. Are you feeling better?” asked Maria coming to fuss around me almost immediately.  
“Yes, I believe I was just exhausted from the trill of being in this land.” I answered. It was true and that made it a good lie. Where ‘the trill’ came from didn’t need to be known.   
“Oh yes, you have had quite the marvelous adventures with King Peter lately, haven’t you?” a week ago I would have chastised her for being so bold. A servant should never ask a noble of their relations. They had no right. But after meeting Blade and his irreverent comments this seemed unimportant.  
Even so, it made me think of King Peter. I had no doubt felt attracted to him on the first days and honored he would even look my way. Yesterday had made me see a new side of him. the coldness he had shown when noticing I overheard his conversation had been quite hurtful. Specially because when I asked Blade, he’d been supportive. I was sure that my infatuation with him was due more to his title. I wouldn’t lie and say I used to ignore titles, but it didn’t just come from it this time. Him being King had fueled rumors of him all around of a brave young man that could conquer anything. And every lady that heard them fell for that legend. Now that I could take a step back, I realized I had never felt anything genuine for him.  
“It’s a good thing you are awake and better now, too. The royal siblings are holding a small picnic party in a special garden. All the nobles are invited. I’m sure they’ll be happy to see you.” Her sly smile made me send her a warning glance. It wasn’t because she was a maid, more because I didn’t want anyone sniffing on my business. She immediately shut up and helped me get ready for the meal.   
When I was ready, I joined my father so he could guide me towards the rendezvous. He had waited for me after Maria had told him I was feeling better and wished to join. He inquired about my health and smiled when I brushed it off with the same excuse I used before. We walked for some time, being escorted by a kind faun, until we arrived at a gorgeous courtyard. All the borders were decorated with red roses in full bloom. Some trees gave the beautiful metallic table some shade. They were indeed made of metal, but their curved design made them seem as fancy as mahogany furniture.  
Most of the court of all invited countries was already there, but it didn’t seem we were late enough to be disrespectful.  
“Lady Maucin, I’m glad to see you. I heard you were feeling unwell, but you look much better.” Said Queen Lucy, coming towards me. I was surprised her friendliness wasn’t reserved for private spaces. I bowed respectfully and thanked her but before the sentence was even out of my mouth, she had grabbed my wrist and was dragging me towards the crowd. “I hope you like this courtyard; it is one of my personal favorites. Mr. Tumnus himself tends to the roses here. I’ve spent a lot of time helping him.” The light chatter that came form her made me smile. She could certainly illuminate a moonless night with her attitude. I didn’t know who Mr. Tumnus was but he must be quite close to her if she took time to help him.  
“It is a gorgeous space.” I conceded, trying to keep up with the energetic girl. We were the same age, yet her giddy personality made her seem so much younger at times. Actually, I had noticed that on all the siblings. They acted like adults but sometimes child like actions would break the façade.   
“Thank you. Cair Paravel has a lot of small places like this one but sadly every time we have guests their stay is too short to show them all. In all honesty it took me and my sibling years to discover all of them.” The Queen continued to babble about why these gardens were so special, but I was busy thinking of another little place. King Edmund’s balcony was truly a work of art. And the men waiting there was even more so.  
I could understand now that Blade was most likely a noble of high status that, due to the quarrel between the two Kings had to leave. With Myra’s words the night before ‘get what you need’ it was possible that he was some sort of spy for King Edmund that brought what was needed to continue his campaign. Because that was the only explanation. King Edmund wasn’t in the castle any longer. He’d left with his troops, forcing the remaining sovereigns to try to cover it by claiming his sickness. If this wasn’t the case his chambers would be heavily guarded, and servants and doctors would be seen entering at all hours to assure his health. Queen Lucy would have gone to him when upset instead to only his balcony. The Just King had left to protect from a threat that was invisible to the rest of them. ‘I suggest you contact him’ had said the general. Why would he need to contact a men that was simply resting in his rooms? No, this had been a lie to keep us from reacting poorly to the threat in the western woods. And I couldn’t tell anyone about it.  
A part of me wanted to ask the Queen about Blade. If he had been dubbed with such a nickname by his friends and was close to the royals, she could clearly tell me more. I could also cover my tracks by blaming the information on court rumors. It would be the perfect opportunity to know more about my mystery man. Yet I couldn’t bring myself to. Not because I was afraid or anything of the sort. No. I wanted Blade to trust me on his own terms, on his own time. It was the only fair way.  
I was so entertained in my own thoughts it took me some time to notice King Peter coming closer to us. He was, as always, dressed sharply but my heart didn’t stutter when I took in his figure. This wasn’t his fairy tale. It was Bade and mine. I didn’t love him. I loved the idea and myth around him. I could no longer deny it. His edges, shown yesterday had pushed me away, unlike those of a dark-haired men that only seemed to intrigue me. How did I ever confuse these two things? When he was close enough and it had been made clear we were his destination I bowed respectfully. Truly, the gesture turned awkward as his sister was still holding my arm. He nodded at my curtsy but otherwise ignored my presence.  
“Lu, I have to say, you really outdid yourself today.” He complimented, avoiding looking at me at all costs.  
“Thanks! I thought Susan wouldn’t agree to hosting the party here but once she did it was easy to do the rest.” The enthusiasm the youngest demonstrated at the simple compliment showed her adoration and respect for her brother. Things I had stopped feeling when he disregarded me for merely being in the wrong place at the wrong time. I knew, a the very least, I wasn’t making a mistake by judging the oldest brother as a vindictive person.  
“Well then I’m glad she accepted.” He answered. His eyes ventured towards me slightly and his jaw tensed. When he continued it was clear he was referencing me “This must be one of the things I love the most about the two of you. You do things with effort and honesty, not by meddling into another person business. You asked for permission for what you wanted instead of disrespecting all of us by deciding you know better.”  
His words, like daggers, pierced my heart. I hadn’t meant to hear that conversation! He should have been more careful of who was around. Upon our arrival they had told us we were free to explore the castle as long as we didn’t bother anybody. Well if I bothered him it was because of his carelessness. And still, even as I deflected the guilt towards him, tears prickled my eyes. What right did I have, after all, to behave like he was on the wrong? He was King, ruler of the land we were in, Lord of this grounds. No matter what happened, if this somehow got out, it would all be my fault. Because I was merely a lower Lady. This man could crush me under his boot as he was doing now with ease. He was warning me, reminding me that I was inferior to him in every scale. And I took it to heart.  
My self-pity made me turn into an autopiloted machine that bowed when he walked away and laughed when the Queen spoke. Her words, once he was out of earshot were comforting, a proof of defiance to her brother’s attitude I wasn’t sure if she should allow herself. “I’m sorry about Peter. I don’t know what has gotten into him, boasting accusation this way, like he were a child again. You mustn’t worry. You are at no fault in this castle. You have behaved exquisitely and had clearly proven you are more than an opportunist, gossipy rat by not outing all the drama that’s been happening with my siblings and I.”  
I saw her take two cup of wine form a server and give me one. I accepted it, trying to let the sunshine she brought through the storm of her brother’s words. Because it would never matter if what he said was true. My status would never give me justice.  
“Oh, do cheer up! Seeing you so gloom breaks my heart. It is so much better when you laugh. It’s so beautiful actually that last night I could have sworn I heard it bringing a new tune to our musicians long after you retired.” I froze at her words. She had heard me. She knew I had been laughing last night. Maybe she had thought it came from somewhere else but the wink she gifted me with made the message clear. She must have noticed the dread in my features because she stopped and faced me. “Your secret is safe with me, Lady Maucin. I won’t speak a word and once this is over, I will pretend I know nothing of this. I must admit you have covered your tracks extremely well, but no one knows that beach like I do. I’ve always spent hours looking from the balconies towards it. No one else will notice, not with the companion you have.”   
I froze. She knew about Blade. Sure. I had deduced he was a nobleman, but I could still be wrong. What would happen to him now? “Just do me one favor please. Take care of him. He deserves to have someone he can laugh with like he did last night.” With this she winked at me again and changed the topic abruptly. She wasn’t going after Blade. Relief washed over me with some happiness that someone else knew of this secret. I felt lighter even as the hurricane of King Peter words racked my inside.   
It was of this I spoke to Blade that night. I didn’t dare mention Queen Lucy. He was waiting for me in the balcony and when seeing my crestfallen expression offered me some of the dry meat he was chewing on. It was actually quite good, and I felt better for a moment. He didn’t ask any questions, knowing I would tell him all I needed to get out. His eyes shone different tonight. A companionship that had been absent from them before wanted to break his calm demeanor. Last night had apparently meant a lot to him as well. He was still scared of letting me close, that much was obvious, but for the first time he seemed truly willing to tear the walls down himself. I took some time to savor it before I told him what happened.  
“He is a King and I am just me.” I declared in the end sure of what I said but hoping he’d contradict it. I wanted him to see me as someone worth something. But he didn’t answer. I froze. I wasn’t worth anything to him either? If I thought my heart had broken when he’d told me he didn’t trust me, it didn’t compare with how I imploded in the quietness. Had last night meant nothing after all? Why did I let him take the strings of my heart?  
“Never bow your head” he muttered.  
“What?” I answered a little surprised he’d broken the silence with such an odd statement.   
“It was just something my dad always said, ‘Never bow your head’. Where I’m from monarchy exists but is not as important as it is here. Yet everyone looks down when they pass.” he explained.   
“Did he think he was better than them?” I was a disconcerted. Of course, Narnia’s monarchy was one of the most venerated ones, but royals were to be treated that away everywhere. It was only fair. I couldn’t tell what this had to do with the topic at hand, but I was intrigued with his story. It seemed it was my time to listen.  
“No.” he chuckled. “But we lived in a country that had seen and lived war. He thought that it was politicians that started wars, that they cowered away from them, sending innocents to the battlefields.”  
“But the wars of a King are always fair. He wouldn’t expose his subjects otherwise…” I countered feeling a gaping hole in my insides. Dread clenched my chest. Somehow if his answer was different something in me would break and change forever.  
“That is true most of the time. Yet it was normal for him to be mad. Back then every man that was of age was called to fight a war that didn’t affect us directly. It was important to help, there was a lot at stake, and I don’t regret us getting involved. It’s just… Rulers are willing to let those things happen, to bring families down.” He looked so sad and guilty. The shadows of the night playing tricks with his furrowed brows and I just wanted to sweep the pain I could see in his eyes away.  
“I don’t think monarchs do these things intentionally…”  
“But they still do.” He snapped. I didn’t cower like I would with any other person for I knew there was no anger in his voice but mere hurt.  
“You talk about your father in the past tense.” I commented because I didn’t know what else to say. People did die to serve their countries and Kings, but they did so willingly. It wasn’t because of a caprice from those with power. There was always a reason people approved. Else, they wouldn’t follow.  
“He went to war when I was ten years old. I still remember the night he left. He had said goodbye to the entire family, but I refused to do it because I thought that would somehow keep him with us. Then I heard the truck starting and I just ran out the front door. They were already leaving. My brother was screaming at me for being selfish and all I could do was cry. Two days later I received a letter from him. It was addressed only to me. It said…” his voice broke and it was clear to me that he had never spoken of this before, that a decade later it was still as painful for him as the first day. He was still a little boy who wanted and missed his father. “He wanted me to keep going. Neither of us could ignore the war but if we were strong, if we adapted, we could survive and see each other again. I tried to listen to him, to do just that, but it was hard. I didn’t have a good relationship with my siblings and my mother was grieving or helping the war efforts all the time. My dad had always been my best friend and now he had left me all alone and I was just so angry. I got lost in anger and regret until I looked at myself in the mirror and saw the opposite of who I was. Of who I wanted to be. It took me years to come back to myself.”  
“Did he ever come back?” I asked feeling my heart break.  
“I never knew.” He must’ve seen the question in my eyes because he smiled sadly and went on. “The war wasn’t even over when me and my siblings came here. I’ll never know what happened to him. It’s not that I don’t like it here but sometimes I wish I could go back for just an hour. To know.”  
I sighed and sat on the ledge next to him putting my arm around his shoulder. He didn’t go stiff, it seemed, for a second, that he had even leaned into the touch for a second. Last night had truly been important to us both.  
“Thanks.” Silence stretched for a moment. Until he inhaled strongly and continued. “Point is you don’t have to bow your head either. If something Peter does seems unfair or insulting stand up for yourself. You deserve to make people respect you.”  
“I… I can’t contradict him. He is the High King.” My mumbling didn’t help me sound strong, but I couldn’t help myself. He’d glued my heart back together. This whole conversation was his way of making me see that I shouldn’t let people walk over me. He did think I was worth something.  
“And you are Ariana Maucin. He isn’t superior to you. He can only make you feel this way because you are allowing it.”  
“I don’t feel like his equal.” I admitted shily. What he said made perfect sense, as usual, but I couldn’t bring myself out of this mentality.  
“Because you are not. Not until you realize you are worth just as much as he is.” His words were both comforting and left a horrible sting in me. I knew he couldn’t take away everything I felt. No one could but I did hope for more reassurance. As I said so he looked at me with the seriousness of a judge. “You can’t expect the world to reassure you. Life is going to bring you down over and over again. And if you depend on others it will never get better. I can’t build your strength. That is your duty to yourself.”  
I was stunned into silence. Was this wisdom? He was so right, and I knew even if it wasn’t easy this was MY journey. No one else. Blade was comforting but before anything else he was honest. He was an eye opener and that was worth much more.   
“Thank you.” I think I had never thanked someone for refusing me, but I couldn’t do anything else. He smiled back at me and sighed looking down. I couldn’t imagine how hard it was for him to tell me that story, to open up so fully just to make me see the world from another perspective. My arm was still around him and I tightened it slightly. He gave a small chuckle and looked me in the eye.  
“You know, you really need to work on not being so dramatic.” He told after a while. Teasing was back, peace coming with it. “I mean, I know being dramatic can be a sign of creativity and that’s great. But everyday you turn every rock on your way into mountains. I’m not saying the problems aren’t there, but you need to get a hold of yourself and determine facts from what your mind comes up with.”  
I always knew I was dramatic but had never thought that it could mean I was creative. It was such an odd deduction but made perfect sense. To create the problems I saw, I had to let my imagination run wild in the worst possible scenarios and investigate things that would never even happen. What he said was true and his tone made it clear he wasn’t asking me to change who I was, but only to make an effort so that I’d feel better.  
“I know.” I admitted. I thought of leaving things there but couldn’t help remembering once more how much his behavior had changed from last night. And how thankful I was for it. “Thank you, by the way. For working on opening up. It means a lot to me.”  
“Well, you make it easier than I thought it would be. I won’t call myself a changed man after only one night. But you have made me rethink this approach. That is more than most people manage.” He answered. My heart elated. I wanted to help him, to make things easy on him. Because Queen Lucy was right.  
He deserved to have someone to make him laugh.


	9. Chapter 9

When I saw King Peter walking with his advisors through the halls next morning I tried not to shrink. No matter the conversation with Blade I still felt like dust on his shoes. I didn’t know if I would ever truly stop but I’d be damned if I let it show. This man wanted to fight with appearances and a fight he would get. I refused to show my weakness.  
Rita was next to me and saw how stiff I became. She seemed worried but I didn’t try to calm her. I didn’t want to lose my focus, or I would break even if the monarch paid no mind to me. He was engrossed in what people around him were telling him: listening, trusting them when he didn’t listen to his own brother. My blood boiled at that thought. I didn’t know King Edmund, but I was never one to stand injustice. Not that I could change anything. When he finally walked past us, I didn’t bow, too busy clenching my jaw to stop myself from lashing out. The men didn’t even look our way. Good. I didn’t want to get into any more trouble.  
“Care to explain yourself?’” murmured my friend pulling me to the side. It took me a moment to focus back on her instead of my musing.  
“I beg your pardon?” I knew it was rude to answer with another question, but I couldn’t grasp the meaning of her words.  
“The High King walked right next to us and all you did was glare at him! I get you are hurt he decided to reject you but he’s still our superior and host. The least we can do is show him proper respect.” Of course what she said was true and a couple of days before I wouldn’t have dare do what I just did but Blade’s voice sounded in the back of my mind. ‘He isn’t superior to you. He can only make you feel this way because you are allowing it.’ ‘I don’t care about your family or your name. Those are just accessories.’ I let Blade words wash over me, wishing one could change enough in one day to adopt a new way of thinking. They mixed with my irritation towards the High King’s hypocrisy and gave me a bravery I could only find when I lost my temper.  
“If he wants me to bow, he’ll have to earn it.” I declared, feeling power rush through me. I was done letting titles decide for me. If Blade could be a noble, why couldn’t I stand in a King’s presence?  
“He’s a King. You are just a lesser Lady Ariana, snap out of it.” Her berating me like a little child bothered me greatly. Was it really possible just a few days ago I thought the same way?  
“I am no less than he is. His title is merely an accessory.” As the words left my mouth, my conviction evident, I could almost see Blade smirking with approval at me. It gave me strength to continue. “I respect his rule but as a person he has proved to be rather petty. This isn’t over the affections we seemed to share. His behavior has earned him my disrespect and that shan’t change soon.”  
My friend was looking at me like I had gone mad. Perhaps I had, but this land and its sovereigns had shown me that normality didn’t apply here. It was time to take advantage of it. To see the beauty on the other side of this danger. “You will get thrown in the dungeons.” My friend warned, but I wasn’t scared: if Blade could do it, why couldn’t I? Being imprisoned was daunting no doubt but it felt like such a distant possibility it matter little to me.  
I shrugged causing a gasp to escape my friend’s lips. I was being as unladylike as could be and yet I didn’t care. She could keep her manners, I had something better: the freedom Blade had shown me. Liberty of being who I was, of existing beyond a place in the court, of being human and laugh. Refusing to give that up I continued walking, keeping my head held high and my chin slightly up turned. Proud, unafraid.  
Never bow your head.  
I didn’t plan to.  
It was liberating to think this way even if I could be fairly certain it wouldn’t last long. I feared for consequences very much and this moment of power I allowed myself would dissipate leaving me in a panic. So I enjoyed it until I couldn’t because in the corner of my eye, I caught a white tail wrapping around a pillar. It was familiar, associated with sharp fangs and possessive behavior on her friend. Myra was here but in broad daylight, close to the central gardens. I frowned: if she always followed Blade that meant he was here, too close to King Peter for comfort. He was, after all, still infiltrating the palace.   
I couldn’t know if she had intended for me to see her. Perhaps it was a message as I knew she could hide perfectly well and wouldn’t take risks like this. Nevertheless if it turned out I was in the wrong it was more likely someone would find them if I followed her. Still, I kept a keen eye in my surroundings, ready to feign fainting at the first mishap for them. My mind began to work overtime. Had something terrible happened? Did the creatures beat King Edmund’s troops and were coming to the castle? did Blade or the King get injured? Had someone discovered the escapades?  
I forced myself to breath through the anxiety and reminded myself most of this was in my mind. I tried to separate facts from the drama I had created. Myra was in the castle in the daylight. This could be a sign of trouble or another infiltration. She was in a concurred zone of the building. If I showed my unease, I could alert someone of her presence.   
And so began the agonizing walk in which I tried to act confident and furious when I felt queasy. I knew my bravado would leave me soon, but I had hoped for a little more time. Especially now that my spirit was swirling with negatives outcomes I tried to silence. Rita hadn’t followed me which I was glad for, I didn’t think I’d be able to hide my emotions to someone that knew me. Less than one minute later I saw Myra’s tail rounding the same corner. The action was repeated two more times before I was sure it was meant to be a signal to follow.   
Walking casually proved to be a challenge but since no guards followed me, I thought I did a descent job. I followed the white fur through two whole gardens until I slipped through a small opening between two trees. Suddenly, I was in what could only be described as a hidden garden. An abandoned statue was covered in green fungus and missing an arm, the grass was overgrown, and the vines were too overgrown to stay upright. As I entered further, I heard a growl followed by the she-wolf’s voice “What do you think you are doing?”. Myra’s demanding voice made me cower slightly. Her canine were gleaming, and daylight was doing little to make her seem kinder. It seemed as if, around her, it would always be winter. Yet that mattered little. I wasn’t fearing for my friend’s safety partly because this imposing being was with him. And yet here she was, far away from him, or at least I hoped. I looked around me to spot the young man but had to eventually accept he wasn’t there.   
“I thought you were with Blade.” I said, instead of answering, wishing she hadn’t come with news of an injury or something of the sort. I couldn’t stand the idea of the young noble in any kind of pain. It was simply overwhelming and made me feel light-headed. No, no, no. He had to be okay. Danger brought beauty. The wolf’s eye just narrowed at my no answer. There didn’t seem to be any fear in her eyes, just condescending.   
“Would you stop panicking?” she growled angrily, taking a small step towards me, causing a more instinctual fear to take over me. She seemed to have noticed my reaction as she begrudgingly swallowed her rage and decided to take another approach. “I was, but he asked me to come make sure King Peter didn’t hurt you in any way over your little disagreement, only to come and find you disrespecting him in a way that could get you thrown into the dungeons.” What had started as a concession had turned into a horrible accusation that made my cheeks burn in embarrassment. I knew what I had done had been wrong, Rita had even told me the same thing earlier, but it held more weight coming from the creature that had already threatened my life directly. And yet my mind didn’t focus on this. Blade had sent her to keep me safe. He worried for me and tried to protect me.  
“He sent you to care for me?” I asked as a part of me joined the clouds high in the sky and a huge grin overtook me, making it very clear fear was once again washing out of my system. Not that my companion seemed to take that as a good sign. She actually looked quite angry.   
“Yes! And now I have to report that his friend is being a moron and putting herself at risk. I swear you are more trouble than you are worth.” The harsh words brought me back and made me sweet drop. She was right. I was being reckless and irresponsible and had to come back to reality. But a part of me didn’t want to. I liked the brave and slightly harsh part of me that could behave that way. It made me feel powerful, but it had been taught out of me from such a young age it was hard to connect with it. It was my small fantasy of strength and freedom which had no place in reality. I swallowed my childish instincts and tried to accept things as they were.   
“I’m sorry. I just taught… well Blade told me that I shouldn’t let him make me feel inferior…” I tried to explain like a small kid would do when caught by their parents.  
“There is a difference between standing up for yourself and being an idiot. Guess where do you fall? You have to know when to comply and when to fight. Otherwise you’ll get killed.”  
“He…” I started to retort only to be, once again, interrupted.  
“He isn’t you. He knows were limits are and when he crosses them, he always has a plan to get out of trouble. He seems a lot more reckless than he actually is. He is very calculating. You are just a little kid trying to imitate a man you can never compare to.” Her words rang true. I was trying to be more like him. He truly had inspired me since I met him but being like him seemed impossible. I just didn’t have the strength or confidence to act the way he did.  
“I’m sorry.” I admitted feeling as stupid as I ever had. She was right, everyone but me was. Playing to be stronger than I was, was only going to get me killed,  
“I’ll make sure to remind people of that when you are in prison.” Her snark made me bow my head even lower even with Blade’s voice berating me in my head. I was weak and so very small, wishing I could think like someone I couldn’t compare to. Silence stretched. I didn’t know what to say. Should I apologize again? Ask for advice to not end up in the dungeons as she thought I would? It was hard to do any of those things with someone who made her disdain so clear. I felt even smaller with her than with King Peter.   
It was her that finally broke the quiet with a growl that resembled vaguely an exasperated sigh. Showing her canines in the dim light she turned her head in a motion similar to pacing. “You are lucky King Peter pretended not to see you. He doesn’t want to start any trouble but that doesn’t mean he won’t take revenge.” I didn’t feel lucky, I was terrified. Narnia could destroy my entire kingdom because of my offense or decide to take it out on me and torture me until I died.  
“What can I do?” I finally asked, fear washing away my pride. I didn’t want to make others suffer or be hurt myself. I needed guidance more than I needed anything else. It seemed I would forever remain a silly little girl.  
“You can apologize. Beg him for forgiveness. Get him to flirt with you again. I don’t care. Just fix this before Blade finds out about this. Last thing he needs is needing to come here to fix your mess.”  
“He won’t come to fix it. He would just give me some advice or…”  
“He would come. You managed to make him care about you. And as cold as he may seem, once he starts to care he does everything to help that person. Even if it means his own death.” She looked regretful at this, almost guilty. Had she ever put Blade in danger simply because he cared about her? Was that the reason she was so subservient to him? “Look, I get that you’re in love with him or something and you think it is cute that he’s gonna be your knight in shinny armor or whatever, but he can’t come back here yet. He told you why he left. You think you are more important than that? Well you’re not and you should be the only one paying for your mistakes. Not the entire kingdom.”  
“I know I’m not that important! I know and I am sorry if I am somehow putting what he worked for at risk! I’m trying to do what he taught me because I admire him, not because I love him.” My inferiority complex, guilt and fear all came out with half yells and unstoppable tears. I was humiliated and worse: I was the cause of other’s pain. I, most definitely, wasn’t nearly relevant enough to be taken into consideration. The little voice in my head berated me ‘You are no one’. It had been reminding me of that since I came to Narnia. I was so stupid for forgetting. It was just so simple to do so when I was with Blade or thinking about the little shine in his eyes when he laughed. He made me feel special and that was much more dangerous that I cared to admit.   
“Would you stop crying already?” her growl, her aggressiveness when I was grieving was a stark contrast with Blade’s kind reaction when he heard that I had a fight with my father. It seemed they weren’t as similar as I had thought. I wanted to stop, to lessen the humiliation, but I couldn’t. I just wanted someone to help me instead of criticizing me, seeing me as an equal and not a dumb little girl. I wanted Blade. But I also didn’t want to give Myra this power over me. She didn’t deserve this control over my emotions. Then why couldn’t I stop? Covering my face I tried to give myself a moment of respite and recompose myself away from her judging stare. Breath in. Hold. Breath out. Shaking myself I tried to stand proud, but the attempt was rather poor.  
Looking at her was as hard as ever. She was imposing and threatening and the living reminder of why I hid behind a title. Most wouldn’t dare talk to a Lady this way, the consequences could be harsh. Yet, this wolf didn’t seem to care for that, just like the man she served. I was close to sobbing again but forced it down. Tears still streamed down my face, but I would ignore them. Weakness couldn’t be afforded with such a ruthless character looking at you.   
“Don’t worry. I’ll fix this. You can tell Blade he needn’t worry.” I stated with my best noble voice. Intimidating had always been hard for me, but I had been taught from a young age how to appear like the world and the persons in it had no effect over me. Tears could be ignored if one stood tall enough and looked down a certain way and hating myself for doing this wasn’t going to stop me this time.   
“Good.” She looked as condescending as I made myself appear. I hated her for being so strong and cold. She was, on top of it all, a rude and harsh being that enjoyed bringing others down. I nodded back at her and decided it was time to retreat. Turning swiftly, my skirts whooshed as I took my leave, salted water still running down my cheeks.  
The moment I felt safe from her stare the tears stopped completely. Were they truly self-pity tears or were they from fear? Which was more humiliating?  
It didn’t matter, anyway. I had bigger problems such as fixing my mistake with King Peter. Problem was I had no idea how to do so and I would clearly get no help from those I had relied on so far. At least not in time. I needed to fix this before tonight. I wouldn’t be able to lie to Blade. But how?  
Suddenly yesterday’s conversation came back to me. Not the one with Blade, the one I had with Queen Lucy. She had made it clear that I could consider her a friend, and this was her brother after all. Surely, she could help. If not, things wouldn’t get much worse. I started walking towards her parlor only to realize I didn’t know where she’d be. Maybe she was working or maybe she was entertaining other guests. She could be anywhere, and I couldn’t go up to anyone and ask for an audience with the Queen. Deciding the room with the old couches was my best option I went that way.  
When I got there a faun was leaving the room with Queen Lucy. I thanked Aslan for my luck, now it was a matter of whether or not she would grant me an audience. She seemed engrossed in her conversation and nervousness returned to me. could I interrupt her? I was about to turn and leave when the Queen raised her eyes and smiled at me. “Lady Maucin, it’s great to see you! Were you looking for me?” She said, joyous, luminous, everything I needed.  
“I… Yes, but I can come back later if you wish. I wouldn’t want to interrupt.” I stammered as more tears gathered in my eyes. I wanted someone to hold me, why was I so alone?  
“Oh, nonsense. I was just having a friendly talk with Mister Tumnus.” Her words were said as she looked at the Narnian. I remembered that she had mentioned Mister Tumnus yesterday, it was who she had helped fix the garden. He seemed nice with kind, doe eyes and a smile that told you, you would be safe. When the monarch turned to look at me again and realized my tears she froze. “Are you alright?” she asked, no pity or disdain, pure empathy. I broke down.  
Was I alright? No. I was terrified. I was putting an entire kingdom at risk, insulting a monarch which could result in both my death and the conquest of my kingdom, the man I was infatuated with would probably be hurt because of my stupid behavior and all that damn wolf could do was treat me like an idiot. I was causing pain and felt like the stupidest little girl in the planet. I knew I was alone, playing a game of pretend that I wouldn’t change, for it let me be close to Blade. Being in the wrong place in the wrong time had made friendship and romance turn into a nightmare as I was targeted by a rage that seemed rather silly to me. I just wanted to feel like I had a friend, an ally.  
My pain grew inside of me, breaking every wall I thought I had built in my conversation with Myra. I was ready to bolt to save myself some embarrassment when I felt warmth around me. I opened the eyes I hadn’t realized I had closed and saw the Queen holding me close to her, not saying a word but humming a southing melody. I melted against her body and let my heart pour. She was a safe place. How to be sure? There was no way, but I could feel it. I don’t know how long we stayed that way but when I finally untangled myself from her, she was smiling at me. No condescending, just empathy. I was glad she had offered her friendship she truly was as luminous as the rumors said.  
“Come with me.” The Queen said, leading me back into her parlor with a kind smile and an arm resting lightly on my back, I nodded, dizzy from crying so much. I had numbed myself by now, unable to feel anything around me. She led me to one of the couches and sat next to me holding my hand lightly. If I had more tears to cry, I probably would have. I craved this kindness beyond what I could comprehend. We sat there for second until Mister Tumnus returned with tea and cookies. When had he left?  
“Should I leave?” he asked the kind young woman seating next to me. She seemed to think about and looked at me as if for confirmation. I didn’t know what to say. “I think so. I’m sorry Mister Tumnus.” She said but the faun shushed her apologies and left. Queen Lucy waited a little longer before she spoke again. “Do you want to talk about it?”  
I didn’t, not really, it would mean admittance to so many things I swore to keep a secret, but I needed her help desperately. I didn’t truly have a choice.  
“Is it about him?” the way she emphasized the word made it clear she meant Blade. Did it have to do with him? Not really. It had to do with how stupid I had become since I met him. My breath hitched in the worst of ways, but I forced myself to stay calm. I shook my head slightly and looked for the way to say what I needed. Was it wrong that I had only looked for someone this kind because I needed her? It felt that way. I was a hypocrite, but I couldn’t back out of this. I just hoped she would find it in herself to forgive me. I was surprised by how patient she showed herself to be, not talking or pushing me in the slightest.   
“I’m sorry… I need your advice.” I mumbled and expected disappointment to flash in her eyes. She must have had so many friendships that only wanted things from her. I found none, pure kindness still radiating from her. “I have insulted your brother and I don’t know how to make it up to him.” I explained, feeling ashamed.  
“Which brother?” she asked with a slight frown. That send me spiraling. I had never met King Edmund and talking with Blade made it clear he hadn’t been in the castle for a while. How could I have offended a man I had never been near of? What didn’t I know? Was King Edmund actually in the castle but in disguise? Did she expect me to know that?  
I shook my head. Now wasn’t the time for conspiracy theories and I was in enough trouble because of them. I didn’t want to know any more. In truth, I wanted to forget. I needed to fix this and go back to being invisible. That is all that mattered. “King Peter. I haven’t had the honor of meeting King Edmund” I answered and for a second I thought I imagined an amused yet sad smile on her face.  
“Of course, I’m sorry, force of habit. Ed is usually easier to offend.” She answered and I almost believed her. Forcing myself to not overanalyze this was hell, but I knew it would be the only way to find peace. “What happened with Peter?”  
What had happened? I hadn’t bowed when he passed by me, but I knew that was only the tip of the iceberg. His true anger came from being discovered when keeping secrets. Could I tell Queen Lucy about it? I knew woman were usually kept aside from the political circle, so it was possible she didn’t know, and I would anger King Peter even more by revealing this? I felt like I was lost in a maze.  
“You can trust me Ariana. Whatever it is you’re hiding I won’t tell anyone, just like with your mystery men. I promise I won’t react any different with Peter based on what you told me here. Please, trust me.” Her voice was so genuine and her plea for trust so heartbreaking that the last of my walls crumbled. I could trust her, every instinct in me knew it from the start.  
“I overheard a conversation between your brother and one of his generals by accident. He was offended by my eavesdropping and we fought. That made me do one of the stupidest things I have ever done and glare at him instead of bowing at his passage.” I explained, trying to keep the principal problem a little vague. Sure, she must know her brother had left but did she know why?  
The Queen’s eyes softened, and a smile showed itself. She seemed much less worried than I was but then again, she could probably fix this while I was stuck hoping for a miracle. Overall, however, she seemed happy I had trusted her and told her the truth. I wondered how much was hidden from her, how often she was lied to. I felt sorry she went through that and made a promise: I wouldn’t do that to her. I would be honest; it was the least I could do with all her support.  
“It’s okay. I’ll talk to him. This truly isn’t your fault and if I know Peter at all he is more frustrated with himself you overheard something he is trying to hide.” I breathed in relief. She would intercede for me. Surely with how close the siblings were, she could calm her brother. Suddenly I thought of King Edmund, was he truly close with them or was he the black sheep to not be trusted that way? “Why are you so angry?” asked my companion suddenly, causing me to startle. Had my emotions been showing? I truly needed to work on this. “Was what you heard so bad you can’t even think of him without grimacing?” a slight teasing tone was entering her voice, but I knew she was serious. She was merely trying to lighten the ambience. I appreciated it greatly.  
“I’m sorry. I just can’t help but think of you brother as a bit of a two-faced person after hearing he couldn’t trust his own brother.” As the words left my mouth my hand went directly to cover it, as if to erase what I had just said. Queen Lucy had an energy so similar to Blade’s I had let myself run my tongue without thinking. I knew, instantly her help would be removed. To my surprise I wasn’t yelled at or asked to leave immediately. I dared to look in the Queen’s direction and found a sad smile on her face.  
“You heard about Ed, didn’t you?” She knew. That had to lessen my crime. I hadn’t told her anything new. Maybe the punishment would be lesser now. Or maybe bigger for disobeying a direct order. “I know that, sometimes, when it comes to him, Pete can seem like he doesn’t make sense but it’s because their relationship is very complicated. Peter really loves Ed with all his heart and soul, but they are so different it is hard for them to get along.”  
“Hard enough for him to not trust his brother but trust his advisors?” I blurted, empowered by the fact she hadn’t yet punished me. Please let this danger be worth it.  
“Sometimes. It’s not that they don’t trust each other, it’s that whereas Peter wants to trust people, Ed is always more likely to look for their shadows and attack them because of it. They are opposite and that’s great because they complement each other. When they can actually reach a compromise, that is. Peter is afraid of admitting a mistake so what Edmund is telling him terrifies him. It would mean he was wrong in so many things. That is one of the things he has never been good at accepting. I’m not saying he is wrong, if I’m being honest it’s hard to believe that such great friends would betray us, especially without proof.” She explained and it made sense. When you are treated a way for a long time you become that thing. King Peter had been treated like he had done no wrong for ten years now, it was evident to him whatever he said had to be reality. It made sense. In the conversation the oldest brother had with the centaur he had made it clear that he wouldn’t accept there was any blame on him. It was easier for him to throw that weight on his brother’s shoulders. When Blade had mentioned King Edmund’s side of the story, he hadn’t mentioned anger or resentment. Just that they couldn’t agree, and each had taken the actions they thought were better.  
Maybe King Peter wasn’t so bad, but he certainly wasn’t as perfect as I thought the first day.  
“I’m sorry for insulting your brother.” I told The Valiant, but she was already shaking her head. The understanding hadn’t left her for a second and I wondered how big a heart could really be.  
“It’s okay. It’s easy to judge a person when you have only seen them at their worse. You have only met a grief-stricken Peter. He hates himself for making Ed leave. He is frustrated he can’t protect him where he is, and he doesn’t deal so well with people questioning his authority.” Her hand was back on mine, a calming gesture yet, as she looked into my eyes, I knew she was seeing everything except me. Her eyes and focus were on her family. “I can understand why you would think that way although I have to say, you are one of the first people that has taken Ed’s side in one of their fights.”  
Her answer took me aback for a second. Especially the last sentence. When had I taken a side? It was clear I had, after all my blood was boiling on behalf of a men I had never met. What had made me decide he was right? Was it that he had taken his troops to protect his kingdom? No, it couldn’t be because he had also left the palace with a bad security, endangering his family. He has given no proof of what he said and, even so, I was absolutely sure he wasn’t lying. When had this men earned my trust and loyalty?  
“I don’t know why…” I admitted because everything pointed to a tie between the brothers.  
“I do. And you do too. You just aren’t ready to see it yet. As soon as you are, realization will come to you.” Just when I thought I had started to understand her she confused me once again, leaving me in a new maze. To my surprise she stood up, brushing her skirts casually. “I’ll go talk to Peter. I’ll let you know what happens.” I breathed in relief even if I wished I could keep talking to her. “You can stay here if you’d like. If you want to know more about Ed, all the books on that wall are his.” She said pointing to the far wall. I frowned, when had my curiosity for her brother shown? But I had been to the zone around his chambers, it was huge. Why would his books be here?  
“Thank you. May I ask, why are his books here? doesn’t he have his own library?” I questioned, emboldened by the knowledge she wasn’t afraid of me speaking freely. She proved this once again, chuckling at my comment.  
“He does and it’s probably the second biggest in the entire castle. He doesn’t seem to be, but he truly is a bookworm, almost as much as Susan. This books are here because he spends half of his free time here and he was always leaving a book, or another forgotten in the table. At some point I grew tired of having a stack of his books in the corner and brought those shelfs. He says he likes being here because it reminds him of home, of where we come from. He seems to remember more than me.” She explained, pausing on her way to the door to contemplate the row of leather-clad volumes.  
“You have forgotten where you are from?” my surprise was evident. How could one forget something so important?  
“Not completely but it gets harder to remember. I don’t know how Ed can still say so much about that place. I had this parlor made on our first year here and now I can barely remember why I did that. I just know it feels right.” I nodded, feeling a twinge of sadness she went through that. It must be hard to forget your country, you family. I couldn’t imagine the guilt that came with it.  
I waited some minutes after she left the room to stand up and walk towards the dusty pages the younger King had left behind. They were all so beautiful, rich and taken care of. They were all different except for what seemed like a collection on the lowest part of the shelfs. These books seemed more worn out as well. It was this peculiarity that drew me to them. As I grabbed one in the middle and opened it, I realized they weren’t books but notebooks. Perhaps were they diaries? I looked for a date in the pages but there was none, yet names and places seemed to repeat themselves over and over. It wasn’t an observation notebook either. Curious I took the first one in the shelf, hoping an explanation was written in it. The first page had me close to breaking down.  
Mom’s name is Helen.  
Dad is Jacob.  
I was born in 1930 in London, England. My full name is Edmund Brian Pevensie.  
We came to Narnia in 1940 after we were evacuated from London. We were running from a war Dad was sent to fight.  
I can’t stop forgetting.  
These weren’t diaries, they were the memories of a child. Queen Lucy said she kept forgetting where she came from, but her brother still remembered. Except he didn’t. He had written what he could and probably memorized it out of desperation.  
A warm feeling overtook my chest, the so-called Dark King truly had a warmer side to him. All rumors pointed to him being the most estranged from his family yet only that page told me that he loved his family to death. Even if I couldn’t understand why he would let the world see him this way I could start to see the mask he wore all the time. Perhaps he was protecting himself the same way Blade was.  
I knew this notebooks were extremely personal, and I had no right to read them, but I found myself reading through small, random passages of them.   
I don’t think I had many friends in England. Everytime I try to remember anyone outside my family all I can seem to recall are punches and kicks to my ribs. I think I used to get into a lot of fights, but I can’t remember why. Probably people got sick of me for acting the way I did before Narnia. I wouldn’t be surprised.   
I can remember that I went to school away from home. Peter was there too but pretended he didn’t know me. I think it made him look better. It still does but with an entire kingdom knowing who we are he doesn’t have much of a choice.   
King Edmund being beat down. What a strange thought. He was known to be one of the best swordsman’s in the country and even King Peter had admitted his brother could defeat him. A man who was always described as intimidating being so vulnerable was unthinkable, yet the proof was in my hands.  
I remembered the school’s library today. It was so small compared to what we have here in Cair Paravel. Even so, it’s hard to think of a safer place back in Finchley. It was the best place to not be found by Arthur and his friends. Idiots probably didn’t even know there was a library.  
There was a shelf in the back of the room, hidden in the dustiest corner. I used to like going there. The books there never told anyone how much I cried while reading of magical lands and creatures that are now here with me every day.  
I was so surprised by this pages. Everyone feared the Just King and his moods but, in this pages, you could see little aggressions. It was more about desperation and loneliness. Fear of being seen. And yet a slightly cocky individual could be seen, mocking those that could never hurt him again. How much pain had this man lived through?  
I kept flipping through the volumes, finding a stray page in an oddly thin paper that portrayed a man in only black and white colors. The portrait was a little damaged with small cuts all over it’s surface yet the man in it could still be clearly seen. He looked to be in his late thirties and had similar faction to King Peter and Queens Lucy and Susan. He was smiling a little, but the painter hadn’t been able to hide the slight awkwardness in his face. In the back of the page was a clear explanation of why they looked so similar.   
Jacob Pevensie, 1938.  
This was their father. I turned to look at the drawing once again, amazed by the weird texture it had, so unlike anything I ever held before. The man looked to be quite handsome and I found myself inspecting his features closely. King Peter had his brow, Queen Lucy had inherited jaw, Queen Susan spotted his nose and Blade had his eyes. He looked remarkably like my mystery man (as Queen Lucy had called him) even if that made little sense.  
Much too soon, as I was still looking into those foreign features, I heard footsteps outside the door. Scrambling to get the memoires back to their place and the picture hidden once again I almost tripped. I was, on top of it all, sitting on the floor in a Queen’s private room. I couldn’t let said monarch see me this way. Thankfully when the door opened, I had managed to stand back up and pile all the books in the lower shelf.  
I smiled to the younger royal and felt my eyes almost popping out when her brother came after her. Decided to not commit the same mistake twice I bowed as my heart tried to escape my chest. I hoped his sister had helped him calm down and he wasn’t here to arrest me or anything of the sort.  
“You can stand up, Lady Maucin.” Said the High King. I did as he asked to notice him and his sister having a silent conversation that ended up with the eldest letting a defeated sigh out. “Lady Maucin, I’m sorry if I gave you the impression, I wished any harm to fall upon you or your country. I hope no ill shall happen to you.” I smiled at him coyly and tried to keep my chuckles at bay. It was crystal clear he didn’t want to be there, even less did he wish to speak those words, but his little sister was forcing him to.  
I was thinking of a way to respond, what exactly I should apologize for, and what was better left unspoken when the young women in front of him elbowed her brother not so subtly on the ribs. The latter seemed surprised and a little offended as he was met with a pointed look. I could hear the siblings whisper to each other. “Do it.” Said the Queen. “I’m not going to do it.” Responded the king and so came back and forth for a minute. As hard as I tried, I couldn’t stop am amused huff to escape me. Both siblings turned to me first with confusion and then with humor of their own. After a second of this I forced myself to be serious again.  
“Your Majesty, I’m very sorry I disrespected you this morning and if I seem to try and get involved in matters that do not concern me. that was certainly not my intention.” I said, killing any joy in the room. The Magnificent accepted my apology with a nod only for his midsection to be once again attacked by his sister. This was repeated three more times until the Queen gave up and took matters into her own hands.  
“He knows it’s not your fault you were there and is sorry he treated you poorly.” She amended bringing a smile to my face even as her brother grumbled his acceptance.   
“Peace?” proposed King Peter looking at me. I knew then that things would never be what they had been. I knew why I had been attracted to him but couldn’t find in any part of myself the will to get that feeling back. I knew too that he was probably a good men if given the chance.  
“Peace.”


End file.
